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nothing special

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by shatteredinaspect, Sep 12, 2009.

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  1. shatteredinaspect

    shatteredinaspect New Member

    I don't know if this counts as a rant or whatever, but I am certainly feeling suicidal.
    I smile at the thought of death and fantasize many different ways it could be achieved.
    I am disgusted with myself, the world around me, and the person I want to but will never be.
    Life is beautiful and ugly at the same time.
    I see others around me who at one point were miserable (partially because of me) and they are happy now, or at least moving on with their lives.
    While I am stuck behind hanging onto abusive ties because they're the only ones.
    Stupid and impersonal quotes about suicide/hope aren't comforting to me.
    I feel this way often, cynical and melodramatic and full of despair.
    I wish I could close my eyes and exist in a warm and simple state without thought or anything else tying me to the world around me.
    I can't handle life, I don't want to handle life.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope getting your thought out in words helped. I hope you also have a therapist to help you and maybe get some meds so you cn be in a good stated of mind not so down on life. Keep venting it does help.
  3. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    I breathe the same way you do shatteredinaspect. Life just feels like everyday I have to get up and play along. It drains me on how I have to act everywhere I go when deep down inside, Id rather be dead, no existant and just in a peaceful dream with no stresses. I feel ive given up hope on even going anywhere in life. The future is just so cloudy, and empty. It depresses me.
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