nothing terribly dramatic

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by SuicideSpork, Nov 11, 2007.

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  1. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    I don't have the energy to spill a long tale of woe here, or try to put into words how miserable I am. Suffice to say that I just want to die.

    I don't rightly know why I'm even posting. Just halfheartedly putting my pinky-toe in the pool, I guess.

  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    welcome to sf spork. :hug:
  3. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    Thank you.

    That animated icon is enough to trigger yet more sobbing. I've never been envious of a 2D graphic before. I can't remember the last time I felt loved.
  4. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Welcome to SF, Spork. Feel free to PM me if you'd ever like to talk. :hug: Take care.
  5. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    its a good start that you are testing the water here with us spork, be assured you will never be alone with us by your side.

    maybe one day you will be able to tell us how you feel and why, you will be suprised how much we understand and talking, even just posting here can help.

    stay safe and take care
  6. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    I've always felt completely alone. I don't think I'm capable of feeling loved at all. My Mom tells me she loves me, the couple of friends I have left tell me they love me, but I just don't feel it. Does anyone? I feel utterly alone and alien.

    I think there was a time when I wanted to "get better," when I wanted to figure out what the problem is and somehow move past or around it, but after 33 years on this planet, I'm done. I'm simply anathema to this goddamn Earth. I don't want to try anymore, I don't want to visit yet another therapist, I just want to be done. If there's something after this, let's see it. If there's not, so be it. In fact, the idea of the former doesn't do a damn thing to comfort me... it just scares me to think that I might be trapped into feeling this way for all eternity.

    I don't have any hope at all at this point. After my divorce over two years ago, I don't think I can ever trust another person ever again. And I've never felt loved, so that's out. So what's left? Sticking around so my death won't upset my Mom, so that my cats won't have to go live with my ex-wife, etc. I've never once heard a reasonable argument about why I should stick around for me, and I don't have any hope that I'll ever hear one that holds water. (To be perfectly blunt, anyone that wants to say "think of all the joy you'll miss!" can just cram it, because I've felt very, very little in the span of my life, and I don't see anything waiting for me in the future.)

    I don't want to do any of this anymore. I don't want to be in pain anymore. I just want to fucking end.
  7. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    I guess this didn't warrant any response? Even here I guess I'm not wanted.
  8. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  9. SuicideSpork

    SuicideSpork Member

    I really wish somebody cared enough about me to give me a hug. I don't even remember the last hug I got. :(

    I wish I knew what to do. I'm just holding on for my cats at this point, but I really don't know how much longer I can do it. :(
  10. pit

    pit Well-Known Member


    I've been through a lot of relationships. Tell me, is there such a thing as a good ending? I have a lot of trouble maintaining a romantic relationship. These relationships are so overrated, so many songs, books, and movies about them. I guess they're overhyped because at the core, they're unreliable and fragile. Don't take it out on yourself.
  11. pit

    pit Well-Known Member

    Here ya go:


    You got the most hugs in your replies. Hope it makes you feel better.
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