nothing to live for

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by mg5206, Jun 23, 2007.

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  1. mg5206

    mg5206 New Member

    I'm sure you've heard it a million times before,but I truely have nothing to live for. Believe me.

    I just turned 16 years old,and 16 years is just too much.I'm done.
    I have nothing.No friends,No "loved" ones,No self-esteem.Nothing.
    Let me go more into detail.

    Growing up, I lived [still living] in an extremely isolated household. In my 16 years of living,i've only "hung out" with other kids,atmost, 5 times. Not nessarily [sp?] good times either. I've never been able to spend time with other kids outside of school,which made it impossible for me to make REAL FRIENDS, let alone a best friend,some one who'd be there for me no matter what. So basically,i'm socially retarded. [excuse that word,i didnt know how else to put it.] I don't know how to act around other kids and not seem wierd.

    Anyway,no friends may not seem like the worst thing ever heard of,but i'm not finished.

    My family is no better,if anything,they cause it all.

    My mother,a bitter 40 yr old women, has never told me she loved me,ever,or even showed it. I can't remember how many times i've heard the words "I regret ever having you,you worthless piece of sh*t." for absoletly no reason.

    My father,although not all that hateful, has straightout told me many times how HIS life [work,money,girlfriends,etc.] come before me.

    And finally my brother, probably the biggest contributor to my problem. He's both verbally and physically abusive. I can't begin to describe how horrible he makes me feel. I constantly hear insults from him and my mother [worthless,stupid,fat,moron,loser,ugly,etc.]
    And they say it,regularly,as if its nothing,occasionally they'll laugh about it together,as if its a joke.

    I just CAN'T TAKE IT. Everyday i consider suicide,but i can never decide how I want to go. I've been doing research about different methods for monthes now.I think the only reason i've lasted this long is my fear of pain. I want to go painlessly, preferrably some type of cynide,but i'm having a hard time getting a hold of some. Lately,ive been considering using a gun. My brother is in the process of becoming a cop,which i'm thinking means he'll eventually have a real gun.But thats too long of a wait.


    And if you're wondering why I seem so non-shalant writing this,its because i've come to terms with it in a way.I know it's my only option,as ridiculous as that sounds. I'm finished.

    Just thought i'd share,it does feel a good to tell other people. Thankyou for listening.
  2. Cybrsk8r

    Cybrsk8r Well-Known Member

    MG, I hope you'll stay a while and talk to us. You'll find many people here who will lend a caring ear. Maybe you could find some confidential counseling at school?

    I know how painful isolation can be. We're all here if you need to talk yo us. Please PM me is you need to.

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