nothing to live for

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by kyangel04, Aug 2, 2012.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. kyangel04

    kyangel04 Antiquities Friend

    My husband is cheating on me. My stepdaughter is rubbing it in my face. They're very emotioanlly abusive. Letting me know they never loved me and I' m no good. I really dont have anything to live form What's the point.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi Patti...please value yourself and do what you have to and get out of an emotionally abusive situation...are there services you can access to help you? And can you set limits with your step daughter that is she cannot respect you, she is to just be quiet...what a sadistic thing to do on both of their sorry this is happening, but you are worth so much more...plez remember that
  3. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    I agree with Sadeyes. It's a very hard situation to be in, but if you are able to find the courage, finding a service that can help you get out of this situation is definitely in your best interest. Your "family" as you know it right now is not looking out for you. But that does not mean you are not worth it. Obviously they are not people whose opinions should heavily be weighed upon either, when they are personally going around cheating, or are personally spending their time rubbing a very shameful event in your face, as if that was even something to be proud about? She's proud that her dad has no loyalty whatsoever? Does this daughter forget that her own father has abandoned her too many times then, by going for other women, in what appears to be multiple times now?

    It could be that the daughter does realize this and is rubbing it in your face, because perhaps she feels like it's rubbed in her face. Like her father cares less about family, and more about his sexual satisfaction. Being a child, it is very likely that the daughter feels abandoned too, but the anger expresses itself maybe against you. Maybe she felt that way when you came into the picture too...someone new that Dad put above her, and wanted more than her...and felt was more important than her etc...

    Not that any of the above is your fault, it absolutely is beyond difficult for a child to even grasp or handle, emotionally... because children sort of automatically expect their family to stay together, and to be together, and be there for them. Obviously for this step-daughter, those expectations are crushed, a long time ago.

    I suppose you had similar expectations too. You wanted this family you have now to stay together, but there is a man who is not willing to do that. He is putting his personal needs above you and this child too.... he is busy worrying about his "in the moment" short term pleasure. Very selfish, and very abusive at the same time.

    You don't need to put up with that. You don't need to sit around questioning your worth and your value, because some guy is being utterly selfish. You were obviously useful to this family before this cheating revelation. You were obviously needed, and wanted... so please remember that initially they saw value and worth in you, they saw a beautiful person.

    Obviously what he is looking for is lower than what you are really worth. What he is seeking is something that really has no substance. That is no reflection on you, but only on him.

    And I already mentioned what I believe your step daughter is really facing here...she will probably get more volatile... I don't imagine she really knows what to do with herself or her emotions right now... kind of like how you are troubled now, and really don't know where to go or turn either. You both are kind of stuck in that situation, without asking to be... because some man decided he was more important than anyone else.

    I hope that you can see how selfish he is really being, and recognize that you deserve so much better, and that you deserve to get out of that abusive scenario. It may take you some time to feel like you deserve to get out, and that it's for the better.

    I imagine you invested a lot into this family, and that man. I imagine you built goals and dreams around that situation, which are being crushed so deeply right now. I imagine you are unsure what to do with yourself or where to turn now... what kind of life will you have now... being cast out like that? But the life you will have, when you take that step, is one where you finally get to decide. One where things don't just happen to you anymore, outside of your control. One where a man can't just walk in and do whatever he wants to you, and dump you when he feels bored or feels like he wants something else.

    A life where you are appreciated, and valued again... a life where you don't have to be afraid to even be in your own home, because other people are so volatile. You know yourself better than any of these other people... and you deserve to defend yourself again, and stand up for yourself again, and be known as a PERSON again. not a punching bag. Not an emotional toy for people to play games with.

    Just a human being, a woman... a person who decides this time.

    Obviously, this guy doesn't know what love is anyway. Going from person to person.... his own kid is hostile. He cannot create a loving environment, very clearly, that's not something he is even capable of having.

    But you know what love should be, and feel like...and sound like.... and its definitely not this situation you are in now. His problems with his emotions and his inability to get quality out of life, is NOT your fault.

    His childs inability to get quality, is HIS fault...not yours either. You never created that daughter, but you took her in...tried to be there. That is the most that another kid could ask for, except for the children who want to be alone. She may be the type that just doesn't want a family anymore either. The first loss might have been enough to throw her into a solitary state.

    But that is nowhere near a reflection of who you are. It's a bunch of brainwashing, designed to make you feel down. They want you down where they are...feeling bad. Feeling guilty. Feeling responsible. feeling like they failed.

    As the saying goes... misery loves company. They want someone to take the blame for their mistakes, and to take the responsibility. To take the guilt away.

    But that is NOT your job. Return the blame rightfully back to the owner: them. And leave.


    Don't let them murder you like this, and kill you like this. They don't have that right. They were not given that right, just because they exist, to do that to other humans.

    They don't get that right either, to do it, just because you live there, or know them either...or have loved them.

    They need to learn that they are abusive, and no other word, other than ABUSIVE. Bullies...mean ones.

    I hope that you can come to see that this is not your fault. You didn't cause it. It's got nothing to do with you.... and part of that realization will have to come from leaving your situation for some time.

    Do you have another family member unrelated to this family that you can stay with for a while? Maybe a sister, or another sibbling? Parents? Friend?

    Get away from it, see how you feel when they are not on your case verbally abusing you.... when you are free to sit and think about it, and be alone with your OWN thoughts. With your own feelings... instead of having someone else telling you how you should feel and think.

    I hope you can find a way to do that for yourself. It's not fair to act on the feelings and thoughts you have now, because they are not your own. They were put in your head and heart by this family...telling you that you are no good...telling you that you are not worth it, telling you they never loved you etc...

    But those aren't even your own words.

    Please give yourself the courtesy at least of some time to get your own real thoughts on this.... thoughts that were not influenced by other peoples abusive mannerisms.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 2, 2012
  4. Giovanni91

    Giovanni91 Member

    First, find someone in Real Life who can help...some family member or even close friends. You need someone you know is on your side! Also, please visit and click the relationships sub forum, many many women are going through the exact same things as you and they will give you amazing support online!
  5. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    It could be worse, Patti. You could've had Asperger's all your life.
  6. Giovanni91

    Giovanni91 Member

    Patti you need to stand up for yourself against your husband and stepdaughter! You are not worthless, they are if they treat people they are supposed to love and protect like this. You deserve to be loved and RESPECTED and I am sure their are plenty of men out there who can do just that. Go to 'mums net' you will get amazing support there since these women have gone through similar things and SURVIVED and THRIVED after. Don't let these parasites drag you down get your cure even if it means letting them go. Don't give in, LIVE!
  7. kyangel04

    kyangel04 Antiquities Friend

    I imagine so. But, I do have my share of mental and physical illnesses.
  8. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    Another good reason to give yourself space from those people for now ... their words fuel triggers.
  9. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Gather solid documented evidence.
    File for divorce.
    Take him for everything he's got.

    So easy.

    Be a winner, not the loser.
  10. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    Divorce, especially if this girl isn't your real child. Why stay there if he's cheating on you? Are you relying on him financially? If so, contact a woman's shelter and let them know you're in an emotionally abusive situation. File for divorce and file for alimony. People treat you this way when you allow them too and if you kill yourself, you're allowing them to control you and to win. Don't allow these people to hold your life in their hands or give them responsibility for you. This sounds like a bad situation and if the daughter has this kind of attitude, then I doubt she will change or if you can do anything to change her. It sounds like she fews you as the outsider anyway, since you aren't her real mother. This guy's a dog. Get out of there.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.