The reason for me feeling suicidal is the fact that I can't live up to my parents' dreams. I have tried to be the doctor they want me to become but I can't get through the requirements in college. After a year I told them I didn't want to go to persue the path of a doctor anymore , but don't know what I want to be since I wasn't given any time to think for myself what I wanted to be. The only emotion my mother could express is anger and dissapointment. The only thing she could say is "I am so disapointed in you." She later told me how embarassing it is for her because she told everyone she knew her entire life how her son is going to be a doctor, never once asking what I wanted to be in the future. Since then, I have not been able to sleep, I feel like a zombie, just dragging my life by each day at a time with no purpose. I honestly have no goals left in life, nothing to live forward to. I've tried looking at jobs and anything I can possibly do but I can't bare myself to do any of these things. Why live to do work at places you hate for 10+ hours a day for pretty much your whole life? It makes no sense so why continue? Sure I've had fantasy jobs where id love to be a pro poker player (I suppose id be pretty good seeing how no one can tell I'm depressed or feel suicida?, lol), or race cars, but how practical is that. In fact the only thing I can look forward to in life is being able to drive around and taking the "racing lines" as I drive to my destination, how pathetic. I guess in the end, what I truly wonder is how my sister would be treated when I'm gone. If I commited suicide, how would you think my parents treat my 16 year old sister? Would they learn their lesson and not force their dreams onto her, or would they let her persue what she really wants in life? I feel like there is no hope left for me, I can only wish that my actions will allow my parents to release the slack on my sister, so that hopefully she won't feel how I feel someday. Is this a rediculous way of thinking? Tl,dr; How will my parents treat my younger after I commited suicide?