So yeah, it's okay if no one reads this, I just felt like maybe someone should know about it. And for people reading, I've recently been through a difficult time and it's still difficult. As I hurt the person I love more than life itself, it just hurts. And worse is I think my biggest fear is happening. That I lose him. He is a wonderful person and I know he just acts like he does since he is sad. And we live in different countries, around 8-10 hrs apart. Depending on train times. So I decided that I will do everything to see if I can get my new passport before the 1st of October. And then I'll just travel to him, so I at least get to see him one more time. And well yeah, to give him all the things I want him to inherit, so I at least know he gets it. I mean I can hope, which I do, that things will work out and we can figure it out by then. But if not, I guess that's it. But yeah, I still worry.. Like first of all I'm not good at finding out roads, new cities etc. 2nd my phone might not even work there, as it didn't the last time. I might be able to use the trains etc at least and hopefully he'll write with me on the way. Although I'm planning on surprising him, since what if I told him and he'd just tell me to f**k off basicly. And yeah, just since he is sad that he would say that. But yeah, so if I find the way and get there.. I still wonder... What if he's not home, if he won't let me in, etc. But yeah, that is my plan at least. Since I've got nothing to lose if I go there and it won't get better.. And just wanted it to get out there. Since idk, felt right. So I guess thank you, to whoever reads it.