nothing to wait for

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rosi, May 12, 2014.

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  1. rosi

    rosi Member

    I want to commit suicide but i cant do the click, I guess what i need is the impulse. I think a lot about but i dont finish the action.
    I dont want to die, but i dont want this pain anymore and nothing can take it out.
    Im alone, i had a bf that was an emotional abuser, i supported him all to not be alone as im now, but he left me anyway 3 month ago.
    I had never been alone in my life, i always were with a man beside me, completing/fulling me. Yessss i know that is pathologyc but was like that and i dont know/want to live this way (alone). I dont have any plans for my future, the only thing that i have in my future is to die and why to wait it some years maybe with illness and olnt with obligations?? Is stupid.

    I know that im not correct in what i think/feel or want but it is what it is, i dont chose to feel/think/want this way.
    Im on therapy, taking antidepressants since a couple years ago.
    Im 45 with 3 cats and a little dog, no job (i recive the money but nothing to do) so i can use my head with anything. At my age is impossible to get another job.

    I want to get that "click" that i need to end with this pain.
  2. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    My heart goes out to you. Loneliness is a very hard thing to face at any age. It's a good thing you got out of that unhealthy relationship. There is a man out there for you. Try making a list of things you want in a man. Next time you meet one, and I am sure you will eventually, make sure he lines up to your standards. If you commit suicide you will never met your dream guy. We can be sure of that. No one is happy about a break up. You deserve better. :hug:

    What are your hobbies? Get out into the world and show them how great your are. Your bound to meet someone. Look at all the good qualities you have. Make a positive plan for your life. Do some soul searching. Like you said; you have the time. Use it to be the best you that you can be. There are plenty of animal loving guys out there. Maybe hanging out at a dog park can help you get your mind clear? Who knows who you'll meet?
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Rosi, you are in a very dark place now no doubt but there is help out there for all ages, just because you are 45 doesn't have to mean your life is over. Do you have any family?
    As far as meeting someone goes, maybe it's not happening in real life for you but have you tried online, maybe for a companion or even a partner?
    Keep talking to us here please. Suicide is ever a solution.
  4. Caminho - lunar

    Caminho - lunar Active Member

    You are not alone Rosi. I'm 48 years old and dreaming about death since I was 15. Like you say I don't really want to die I just want to end this pain. Knowing that someone else felt the same helped me. I'm hoping that knowing you are not alone will help you to endure the pain. Don't give up, not just yet!
  5. Hatshepsut

    Hatshepsut Guest

    Please do talk with your doctor, about your antidepressants.

    It is very hard to find work when you're getting older. I'm 50 now, and I may never be allowed to work for money wages again. I am in debt. I don't have any future plans. But these problems can be faced later, when I get stronger again.

    Best wishes to you.
  6. rosi

    rosi Member

    Thanks to all that write me giving me strenght. Im not obsessed with suicide as i was some days ago. Now i feel sad. I never talk again with my partner since he left me, and yesterday my anxiety was very high and i called him. We had a nice/carrect talk but he still in the place that he doesnt want to be with me. That made me face more the reality because in my fantasies i was waiting him to return. So now my feelings are sadness, anxious, depression, pain but im a little far from suicide now. But im sure about that i dont want to live the rest of my life alone.
    Im not very social person, i only go out for things that i cant postponed.

    Best wishes for all and we are a group we have each other.
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