I want to commit suicide but i cant do the click, I guess what i need is the impulse. I think a lot about but i dont finish the action. I dont want to die, but i dont want this pain anymore and nothing can take it out. Im alone, i had a bf that was an emotional abuser, i supported him all to not be alone as im now, but he left me anyway 3 month ago. I had never been alone in my life, i always were with a man beside me, completing/fulling me. Yessss i know that is pathologyc but was like that and i dont know/want to live this way (alone). I dont have any plans for my future, the only thing that i have in my future is to die and why to wait it some years maybe with illness and olnt with obligations?? Is stupid. I know that im not correct in what i think/feel or want but it is what it is, i dont chose to feel/think/want this way. Im on therapy, taking antidepressants since a couple years ago. Im 45 with 3 cats and a little dog, no job (i recive the money but nothing to do) so i can use my head with anything. At my age is impossible to get another job. I want to get that "click" that i need to end with this pain.