Nothing turned out like I expected...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by skyisburning, Jan 4, 2011.

  1. skyisburning

    skyisburning Well-Known Member

    and I don't know what to do anymore...

    Everything I thought I wanted from life...everything I planned...

    I'm just so sad right now. The saddest I've been in a long time. And I don't want to tell anybody, because I'm tired of feeling like a broken record.

    I don't know what I'm looking for, or what I want anymore. I'm in college and I fucking hate it...I fucking hate it more than I ever imagined I would. Not because it's hard, because it isn't...but because I just need some time away from it. I don't know what I want to major in...and I keep changing my mind every semester and end up disappointed and sad. I have a full scholarship, though, and I know it's stupid to give that up... I don't plan on giving it up, but I'd love to take a semester or two off (which you can do and keep a scholarship if you file it formally), but I'm afraid I won't get a job...and in turn won't be able to live up here in the city, and if I have to go back home it will be just as bad as being in school... (I'm from a small town, 3 hours away, and haven't really been back home to live in over 2.5 years)

    And as for life...well, I have general ideas of things I'd like to do...but it feels like everything always works against me. I feel stupid and scared for dreaming big (if I pursued a career in theatre...which was intention a year ago, but I'm not sure now), and stupid and scared for aiming low (for maybe just wanting to have a "normal" job and a family)...and I couldn't choose between the two even if I wanted to.


    My life just feels like it's falling apart...
    I thought that when you went to college, things were supposed to become clearer over the years and not worse. When I first got here, I had a clear idea of what I wanted to do (graphic design)...but then I got into the course and HATED it...and ever since then it's just been one big jumbled downhill mess...



    I guess I just wish things in life were more black and white, right and wrong, yes and no...instead of just gray....
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Have you sat down with a carrier counselar?? Maybe they can help you figure out what you want...Don't be too hard on yourself.. You should feel proud that you earned your full scholoarship.. It shows you can do the work..