nothing will ever change

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by forever_scarred, Aug 3, 2011.

  1. forever_scarred

    forever_scarred Well-Known Member

    Continued from my last journal entry:

    Who am i kidding, nothing is ever gonna change this life. nothing will make it easier. pain isnt just a thing of the mind its part of the soul and once its there, once pain has shattered your thoughts, your hopes and dreams...theres no turning back, no way to fix it. Ive known it all along I just couldnt admit i have no choice but to. Choice and hope are funny things, for people like me there isnt such a thing. stupid hope, stupid life. wish id never been born. mom never would have had to deal with my birth and dads death, she would have been able to take care of herself without me and I wouldnt be this way. I wouldnt feel this pain deep in my soul, wouldnt dream about her and her death over and over. wouldnt hate the world and almost everything in it...wouldnt hate me...wouldnt harm myself just to forget, to suppress every urge to cry, every memory. i look in the mirror and see her...i dunno what is worse looking like her, walking/talking like her or know that im letting her not her daughter anymore...she doesnt come anymore...she doesnt even try...maybe its past me needing her but i always will, that will never change...forever scarred that is what I will always matter what name i use or what kind of mask i wear ill always have this pain, always be shattered, always be scarred....
  2. ThornThatNeverHeals

    ThornThatNeverHeals Well-Known Member

    The scars show where you have been, but the love we give you shows you where you can go :hug: i hope that we can help you go there, as i know you can go to great places.
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    how are you feeling today Broken?

    sending you :console: :hug:
  4. forever_scarred

    forever_scarred Well-Known Member

    Im feeling better today, spent the day with the horses. Rode in my new saddle :bubble:
  5. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    Meg, it's not always objects that make up happiness.. Maybe you should try and find some good people to hang out with.. People who you can really trust. There aren't many out there, but they are worth looking for.. And a way you will know, is they wont let you get anything for them, without returning u the favor.. :hug:

    Get out of your comfort zones.. Try exploring other areas.. Maybe then you can find other things to enjoy. :)

    Try maybe looking up some funny music videos, with the sad ones..

    It's not easy to get out from inside the dark tunnel, but it is VERY possible.. And there IS hope.


    I hope you feel better soon. We are all here for you, and you know where to find me. :hug:
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    so good to hear..
    you seem to have an affinity with horses
    that's a positive in your life *hug*
  7. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I agree that animals have some magic, and I am so glad you feel better...please keep us posted re what is going on for you...J
  8. forever_scarred

    forever_scarred Well-Known Member

    Yes they are, my two ponies did so much good for me yesterday...last night got really bad tho. my grammie and i had a huge fight, she said some thing that hit me to the core...i dont break down easily anymore but i lost it...then i tried to make it better and my grammie began to cry....that was worse cuz it reminded me so much mom....she was so upset with me she just went upstairs and slammed the door....and i cried most of the night. i dunno what to do, i wanna have a life, i wanna be me (even tho im different, i dont wanna keep living a lie) but i dont want to go thru that again...i dunno what to do
  9. forever_scarred

    forever_scarred Well-Known Member

    I cried all last nite and most of the day tonite, now im crying again....i just want to die.... *sobs* just let me die