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nothing will ever change

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Well-Known Member
Continued from my last journal entry:

Who am i kidding, nothing is ever gonna change this life. nothing will make it easier. pain isnt just a thing of the mind its part of the soul and once its there, once pain has shattered your thoughts, your hopes and dreams...theres no turning back, no way to fix it. Ive known it all along I just couldnt admit it..now i have no choice but to. Choice and hope are funny things, for people like me there isnt such a thing. stupid hope, stupid life. wish id never been born. mom never would have had to deal with my birth and dads death, she would have been able to take care of herself without me and I wouldnt be this way. I wouldnt feel this pain deep in my soul, wouldnt dream about her and her death over and over. wouldnt hate the world and almost everything in it...wouldnt hate me...wouldnt harm myself just to forget, to suppress every urge to cry, every memory. i look in the mirror and see her...i dunno what is worse looking like her, walking/talking like her or know that im letting her down...im not her daughter anymore...she doesnt come anymore...she doesnt even try...maybe its past me needing her but i always will, that will never change...forever scarred that is what I will always be...no matter what name i use or what kind of mask i wear ill always have this pain, always be shattered, always be scarred....
The scars show where you have been, but the love we give you shows you where you can go :hug: i hope that we can help you go there, as i know you can go to great places.


Well-Known Member
Meg, it's not always objects that make up happiness.. Maybe you should try and find some good people to hang out with.. People who you can really trust. There aren't many out there, but they are worth looking for.. And a way you will know, is they wont let you get anything for them, without returning u the favor.. :hug:

Get out of your comfort zones.. Try exploring other areas.. Maybe then you can find other things to enjoy. :)

Try maybe looking up some funny music videos, with the sad ones..

It's not easy to get out from inside the dark tunnel, but it is VERY possible.. And there IS hope.


I hope you feel better soon. We are all here for you, and you know where to find me. :hug:


Staff Alumni
I agree that animals have some magic, and I am so glad you feel better...please keep us posted re what is going on for you...J


Well-Known Member
I agree that animals have some magic, and I am so glad you feel better...please keep us posted re what is going on for you...J
Yes they are, my two ponies did so much good for me yesterday...last night got really bad tho. my grammie and i had a huge fight, she said some thing that hit me to the core...i dont break down easily anymore but i lost it...then i tried to make it better and my grammie began to cry....that was worse cuz it reminded me so much mom....she was so upset with me she just went upstairs and slammed the door....and i cried most of the night. i dunno what to do, i wanna have a life, i wanna be me (even tho im different, i dont wanna keep living a lie) but i dont want to go thru that again...i dunno what to do
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