I'm classified as incel. For those that don't know that term it means I am involuntarily celebate. While some people choose to be vocel in order to save for marriage and because of religion, others don't get a choice. I'm now almost 27 years old and still a virgin. The worst part is that I'm not some freak that never talks to women or has no interaction with them. Some of my closest past friends were female and I'm actually pretty good at talking to women and having them feel comfortable. This means that I have had "relationships" with women that are basically bf/gf but without the physical aspects. I am the one they trust, the one they come to in times of stress, danger and when they need someone. All of this leads me to wondering if never having any of that would be better. At least then I would not know what I'm missing. Instead I have the memories of them coming to only me instead of anybody else. The times of closeness and trust. To having them feel safe in my arms. Instead I only get real affection when they are drunk. When they are in their most inhibited they want me. But I will not take advantage of that. When they are sober, it's back to just being a friend. And the one time I chose to say, fuck it, the end result was exactly what I knew it would be. A mistake. That's all I am.