Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by lost_child, Sep 4, 2008.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    So scared of living,
    so scared of dying.
    so scared of the future
    so scared of the unknown.

    trapped in a web of lies
    what's true and what's not.
    thought i was loved.
    now realise I was not.

    I wasn't loved as a child
    I wasn't even a child.
    Not only did he take my life away
    he stole my innocence too.

    Thru life i've travelled.
    ups and downs as I go.
    trying to find the person who I was
    but getting lost on the way.

    self harm was part of me
    but only i could see.
    Addicted to coke to feel free
    but still a prisoner inside of me.

    Behavioural problems,
    health problems,
    kicking out, kicking off
    all cause of the secret i held.

    Feelins of dispair,
    wondering why I was here.
    trying to escape from the pain
    but never really finding away.

    Along came depression,
    anxiety followed.
    drinking to hide the pain,
    following further in my hole.

    Hands that reached out,
    I ran and pushed them away
    i was a person who need to be alone
    but secretly I wanted to be held.

    I look in the mirror,
    i dislike the reflection I see.
    the eyes that I see,
    staring back at me

    empty, vacant, hollow
    the person I was lost, so long ago.
    He's taken so much more,
    then just my life, my soul.

    he's taken the person I should have been.
    my childhood, teenage years gone.
    the one person I thought loved me.
    was just after one thing.

    He would rape me and smile as he did
    touch my body, mess with my mind
    did he not realise that each time,
    a little more of me was lost.

    I still struggle to be touched,
    I see myself as nothing but a whore.
    a prick teaser, who asked for everything she got.
    it wasn't just him, but he took the most.

    The police say they will nail him
    family say he will get what he deserves
    friends say he's the one who done wrong.
    but me, what ever happens, I won't ever be free.

    for 21 years, no one believed me
    I was a trouble maker,
    an attention seeker..
    a liar, no1 would speak to me

    nobody took the time, to listen
    to try to reach out
    no1 could see, or hear.
    that I was in need.

    I've longed to be belived,
    fought to be heard,
    now ppl say they believe me,
    I don't believe me.

    the times I need to be heard
    just feel on deaf ears
    now ppl want to help
    but for me its to late.

    29 years of living in hell
    have finally taken they tole
    I'm tired of fighting, of feeling alone.
    feeling no worth, no reason to live.

    its 29 years too late for someone to care.
    its too late for mum to say shes there.
    its too late...for ppl to hear.
    I can't live with this fear.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

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