So scared of living, so scared of dying. so scared of the future so scared of the unknown. trapped in a web of lies what's true and what's not. thought i was loved. now realise I was not. I wasn't loved as a child I wasn't even a child. Not only did he take my life away he stole my innocence too. Thru life i've travelled. ups and downs as I go. trying to find the person who I was but getting lost on the way. self harm was part of me but only i could see. Addicted to coke to feel free but still a prisoner inside of me. Behavioural problems, health problems, kicking out, kicking off all cause of the secret i held. Feelins of dispair, wondering why I was here. trying to escape from the pain but never really finding away. Along came depression, anxiety followed. drinking to hide the pain, following further in my hole. Hands that reached out, I ran and pushed them away i was a person who need to be alone but secretly I wanted to be held. I look in the mirror, i dislike the reflection I see. the eyes that I see, staring back at me empty, vacant, hollow the person I was lost, so long ago. He's taken so much more, then just my life, my soul. he's taken the person I should have been. my childhood, teenage years gone. the one person I thought loved me. was just after one thing. He would rape me and smile as he did touch my body, mess with my mind did he not realise that each time, a little more of me was lost. I still struggle to be touched, I see myself as nothing but a whore. a prick teaser, who asked for everything she got. it wasn't just him, but he took the most. The police say they will nail him family say he will get what he deserves friends say he's the one who done wrong. but me, what ever happens, I won't ever be free. for 21 years, no one believed me I was a trouble maker, an attention seeker.. a liar, no1 would speak to me nobody took the time, to listen to try to reach out no1 could see, or hear. that I was in need. I've longed to be belived, fought to be heard, now ppl say they believe me, I don't believe me. the times I need to be heard just feel on deaf ears now ppl want to help but for me its to late. 29 years of living in hell have finally taken they tole I'm tired of fighting, of feeling alone. feeling no worth, no reason to live. its 29 years too late for someone to care. its too late for mum to say shes there. its too late...for ppl to hear. I can't live with this fear.