nothing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by swimmergirl, Jan 20, 2009.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I feel nothing. How can I be so numb on such a historic day? The old me would be inspired, would be moved, and feel hope. This me is broken and defeated and empty. I hate this person I have become. I don't deserve to live. I have nothing to offer. I am invisible. I don't matter. I am done fighting, lying to myself, pretending, deceiving myself, enduring the pain. I will not find myself staring into these dead eyes again and wonder why I am still here. I will stop asking such foolish questions. I will stop.
     
  2. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Swimmergirl

    Unfortunately I don't have answers to your questions but what I do know is that you do deserve to live and you certainly do matter! I hope that you are able to fight through this...

    Shauna
     
  3. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    What am I fighting for? I don't think I HAVE anything to fight for, that is the problem.
     
  4. Fern17

    Fern17 Well-Known Member

    I know that numbness; that emptiness. I know what it "feels" like to "feel" nothing but deadness running through your entire body and soul. I know what it feels like to fight every minute of your day to hold on, and yet not know why you're holding on, because all you want to do is to die.

    And the only thing I can say is that you CAN make it through this.

    For me, it was medication that broke the spell of deadness. Once my brain started feeling like it was coming back together after being shattered, then it was therapy, sleep, support, time...

    Please don't give up. I promise you that you CAN get through this. Please keep writing; please keep talking; please keep holding onto that one little shred of hope that is within your soul somewhere. I know you don't feel it, but I know you know it's there somewhere.

    Please also feel free to PM me anytime, if you wish. I really do get it. It's most horrific and I'm so sad that you're going through this.

    Peace,
    Fern
     
  5. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    How do you hold on when it feels so impossible? What do you cling to when you feel like just giving up?

    I am barely hanging on, and wondering what helps others stay connected. Any advice?

    I have never felt this numb, this disconnected, this impulsive and this careless before. How do I find my way back?
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi swimmergirl,

    Do you have anyone in real life you can talk to about these feelings. Have someone around you listening will help a lot. Perhaps you should consider getting a therapist.

    To find your way back, I would advise you to seek professional help and take it from there. :hug:
     
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