Discussion in 'After Effects' started by darkplace, Feb 3, 2009.

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  1. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    I didnt have the courage to jump. That time i first lost myself.
    Now, months on, i am in the same place in my mind.
    I want to leave this life.
    I dont see it being beautiful and sweet, i see life as a curse that my parents condemned me to death the moment i was concieved.
    I feel like i have disapointed my father. Disapointed my mother. My family hate me. I have no family.
    I go to work. Temping atm. Just trying to save some money to move out. But if i get a job permanant job, i wont be able to afford any holidays. Im not skilled enough for a well paid job. So im stuck in the bottom.
    Im in a long distance relationship atm. But im frightened. Frightened he will leave me. Im afraid he thinks me a failure too.

    Because im just nothing in the end.
  2. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I know where you're at. I know how intense the feeling of wanting to jump is.
    Just because you're family are jerks doesn't mean the guy your dating thinks of you the same way. I am guessing he doesn't see you as a failure, but maybe talk to him about it. Let him know what's going on. Does he know? :heart:
  3. darkplace

    darkplace Well-Known Member

    he doesnt know anything about what i feel right now. he knows that my family are naff. thats all. i asked him does he feel disapointed that i dont have a good job andhes like no. But i feel like im less. That im not worth for him. :sad:
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Darkplace,
    Are you seeing a therapist? Have you talked to your doctor about these thoughts?? Just curious because it sounds like to me that you are having irrational thoughts. That goes hand in hand with depression. I suffer from them and they have me on meds for it. The meds help but I am still paranoid all the time. I really think you should talk to a therapist though, they can teach you how to cope with them. I wish you all the best!!~Joseph~
  5. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    hmm. the only thing that bothers me is that to almost every post someone asks if the person is seeing a therapist.

    i can tell by this thread that you dont have enough money for one at the time
    so maybe confiding on someone in here? i know a couple of people who give out really good advice and help you cope with it very well, you just have to find someone whos on the same time as you.
    as for moving out, please keep temping. when you do move out, you will feel so occomplished that you wont know how to contain your joy! Working is a great distraction from all the sadness!
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