Nothing

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CantFindIt, Sep 18, 2009.

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  1. CantFindIt

    CantFindIt New Member

    I really dont have anything left. I lost everything to bankruptcy after divorce. I can't see my kids because its an easy way to get back at me for whatever i've done. The courts don't care about fathers.
    I've had to go through sveral jobs this year because of the economy.
    My current g/f is so removed from the idea of offering support that i feel like my head is going to explode each time she says "I really cant imagine what you're going through". Well stop imagining and give me hug or a warm smile or anything.
    I truely have no one in my life right now that can offer me any warmth or support or love or anything. I need someone to place a warm hand on me and offer a smile or something supportive.
    I have absolutely nothing left. I have a car to back and forth to work. I work 65 hours a week and business is bad - economy again.
    There are other things that are weighing on my mind. I feel as though my head is going to explode. I have a pit in my stomach and my heart is broken over the fact that my g/f is throwing in the towel because she needs her space.
    I need my space too. I need a lot of space.
    From being out of work my support fell behind $700 and I've been summoned to court. There are scumbags out there who havent paid in years because they are trash. I fell behind because I wasn't making money but still paid.
    My daughter take 2 vacations a year on my support and live comfortably.
    I am treated like the others and its not fair.
    All I do is work. I dont do drugs or gamble or throw money around.
    Why do I need to be treated like shit? Why can't I get a little help or compassion?
    I lost my mother years ago to cancer, my brother was murdered and I've dealth with it on my own never asking for anything.
    I am really hurting inside and have no one to talk to and no one to turn to. I am really tired of the fight, of the need to satisfy everyone elses needs and feelings.I'm just tired. My fight has been worn down. I dont want to fight anymore. I dont want anything anymore. I want to go away. I want to be somewhere else. I hate this. Why am I writing this. I am just a fucking loser. This is all shit. Im writing and whatever.
     
  2. Ordep

    Ordep Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you have been though all of this, life can really suck sometimes and your has obviously not being easy. I wish courts would give some more credit to parents, it's so unjust sometimes...

    But still, don't throw the towel just yet. I think what you need is something to keep your mind off those troubles. You sound totally stressed and tired of your daily routine and are having trouble coping with it, so you might just need some novelty in your life. I'd recommend you do something you always wanted to do, even as a kid. Learn how to play an instrument, start doing a sport, write a novel even if it is just for fun (you can even post it online) etc. I know you work alot but there has to be some time of the week where you can devote yourself to that. Don't dismiss the idea right away, think about it. I'm sure your life would improve.

    I understand the need of support from your girlfriend and if she loves you, she should support you. You should calmly talk to her about this and tell her (dont demand that you really need her support and affection to pull through this. I hope she'll understand and provide what you need.

    If you wish to talk further, you're very welcomed to PM me. My mailbox is always open for you.
     
  3. ODIECOM

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    sounds like you got alot on your plate. remember your daughters.
    i know it tuff. im going through it, with not enough money to afford bankruptcy.

    i got tired of fighting as well. you got your daughters. im still hangin in there ...
    sometimes i dont know why. but theres something this time that is keeping me going ... at least for now. trust me ,, i know the feeling.

    i cant tell you that things will better, but we can only do what we can do.

    like i said, i still dont know whats keeping me going right now.
     
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