nothingness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wysteria Blue, Dec 31, 2013.

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  1. Wysteria Blue

    Wysteria Blue Well-Known Member

    I am alone, scared, SI, SUI and feel so very let down and abandoned by life, myself and others. I've dropped into a pit of my own making...and each book and each T seems to have a different and contradictory idea of how to help me. In the end, they agree that I'm like the "worst case scenario"....the one you try to avoid at all costs. I feel like I corrupt the bright lights in my life and make everyone around me feel worse rather than better. I add no value. I have nothing to offer. I've never said "helpless"...just hopeless. Right now I feel helpless and absolutely without hope. My biggest fear has always been to die unknown and unloved. Why does that have to come to be? Every judgmental thought I've had over the years about others that I have regretted seems to be true about myself. enough. just enough. I'm so tired of trying and pushing and doing what the docs suggest and still being so very alone...heart-renderingly alone. It's like being sucked into a black hole and realizing finally that there is just nothing left to grasp... There is no more light, no beacon, no warmth, no air, no rescue, no hand to hold, nothing left that matters. Just sleep.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    you can hold on here ok i hear you you are not worthless you are not alone not tonight ok hugs to you
     
  3. fransigne

    fransigne Active Member

    I know it's not the same as having a friend close by but we are here for you. I often feel very alone. I have a couple of friends halfway across the country but ever since I moved over a year ago I have not been able to form new ones. I can not afford to move back to where my friends are and I also have a boyfriend here that I love. He has grown to resent being my only social contact. I am friendly to my coworkers but I am not able to form real connections because I feel if I am my genuine self it is too unusual and unacceptable.
     
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Wysteria :hug:

    I am sorry for your pain and fear. I do understand the agony that a feeling of helplessness and hopelessness can bring. You are not helpless. I do not know anything about your life or your issues so I will not presume to give advice on what you should or should not do - but you are NOT helpless. No matter how bad things get, with life there is hope.

    I have read a lot of 'the books' myself and know they are contradictory - and of course therapists subscribe to one school of thought or another, so it stands to reason they cannot agree either. I know the adage goes that you have to find 'the right fit' before something works. You know yourself better than anyone - there is nothing to stop you from re-reading the books and extracting the parts that work for you - the parts that resonate. YOU are in control of your life, however much it may feel otherwise - and you do not have to rely entirely on other people for answers and help.

    I really hope you manage to step back from the brink and that this level of fear and panic recedes for you.

    Stay safe :hug:
     
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