Nothing's right

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Escape_the_thoughts, Nov 21, 2012.

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  1. I have been told my whole lifei do nothing right. I don't dress right. I don't learn right. I don't fall for the right person. I just wish for once my mom would accept me for me. She constantly compars me to my older sister. I can't stand that she is little mrs perfect and that I am the mess up. I hate myself. Nobody can tell by looking at me that I am dead inside. I am so sick of being me. Why did I have to be born such a mess up. Maybe then my mom would stop putting me down. Maybe then my dad would love me. Maybe ten I could love myself. It's been years since I have liked myself. I diet to feel better about my appearance but it dosnt change how I feel inside. I don't sleep cuz I have horrible nightmares. I am at my wits end. I don't wanna feel like I am a burden anymore. I don't know what to do. I want to run away and see who notices. Nobody at school would miss me. Nobody at home would care. I am so sick of being put down for who I am and how I act. It's upsetting that I am not heard at home and when I am heard at school I get bullied. I am so done. I have anger that's so built up I just can't control it anymore. Somedays I wanna scream and somedaysvi fantisize about hurting people. It's terrifying that I am capable if such thoughts. I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt anyone. I am scared to be home alone. When I am home with my mom all I want to do is leave. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to live like this anymore. Not till I am 18 in 3 years. I ant take another day.
     
  2. midnightstar

    midnightstar Senior Member

    You are NOT a mess up Escape The Thoughts, have you tried telling your mum how you're feeling? :hug:
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You hun will be 18 soon you will be able to make a life of your own liking You say you are afraid of hurting others hun see you have compassion and care You need to talk to your doctor hun about all these thoughts to get some help ok. Your mom should not be comparing you hun to anyone YOU are special hun you are someone don't let anyone make you feel less hun hugs
     
  4. WldHair

    WldHair Well-Known Member

    It's not you, but your parents who have the problem. Oftentimes, people like this have these little pictures and boxes that they want their life to fit into and life comes around and show them that this isn't possible. I was adopted and very different from my parents and I got a rise out of the fact that they were annoyed by what I wore, the music I listened to. I got criticized constantly which made me only do more of the same thing. It didn't stop when I moved out of the house until one day as an adult I told my mom that this is who I was, take it or leave it. She chose to leave me alone at that point, but it didn't stop, but I knew she loved me, so we operated on a truce of source. She's gone now and I miss her terribly.

    Don't try to change for your parents, just be yourself and let them complain all they want. Funny thing is, you'll come out the strong one and one day, you'll have the opportunity to get your own family and raise them the way you know is the right way. I have kids of my own now and they're misfits just like me, and I wouldn't have them any other way, and the nice thing is despite the b.s. they have gotten at school, they are strong of mind enough to not let others try and dictate to them.

    Hang in there!
     
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