nothing's right..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by cren, Jul 1, 2016.

  1. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    i'm panicking right now because i still haven't thought of what to present tomorrow for my class.. i've been thinking about it for about 2 weeks now.. and i still haven't come up with anything good.. lately.. nothing's really going well about my life.. i've been having problems with my friends.. i've been having suicidal thoughts.. i'm self-harming.. i've even gone back to some of my bad habits.. seems all the effort i've done before are all worthless.. i'm still not better.. i feel awful.. probably worse than before.. i just constantly want to die.. i stare off into space imagining how i'll end up my life.. even my work is horrible.. ugh..
     
  2. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    What's the assignment? Maybe we can help you out (with some hopefully good ideas)!
     
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  3. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    oh.. i'm not sure about that.. not that i'm underestimating you guys.. but i don't want to bore anyone by talking about my assignment..
     
  4. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Just a shot in the dark. What is the assignment
     
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  5. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Don't ever worry about boring us. That's what we're here for! Just kidding... In all seriousness, try not to think like that. Your issues are just as valid as anybody else's. And that's a fact! So, even if it's too late for this one, next time you find yourself in a bind, ask us for help.:)
     
  6. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    thanks.. i managed to somehow think of something to present.. not the best idea i had.. but still acceptable by any standards..
     
  7. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Wow! That's great news. Good for you! That makes me really happy...
     
  8. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    thanks.. i guess.. you still haven't given up in trying to help me.. thanks for sticking around.. it means a lot..
     
  9. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    No problem, glad to help! :)
     
  10. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    i don't know what to do with my life.. there are times that i think there's really nothing i can do about certain aspects in my life.. for most of the days.. i just want to escape reality.. i can't seem to do anything right.. i offend people.. say things that nobody cares enough to listen to.. my life in general doesn't matter.. i think no one even cares if i'm gone.. all i ever do lately is cry.. when will all these tears dry up.. what really is the point in living a life that's full of pain.. i don't know if i should bother to try to change myself.. people never really care.. they will think whatever they want to think.. i've given up trying to please anyone.. i've given up trying to understand every single person.. i just give up entirely.. why do i always need to understand everyone when no one even cares to understand me.. there really is no point.. i give up.. if only i'm strong enough to free myself from this awful life that i have.. if only i'm strong enough to end my own misery.. i can't even make anything right.. not even end my own life.. there's no hope for me.. no one likes me.. it hurts so much.. my chest hurts from all this pain.. if only i can just make the pain stop..
     
    MisterBGone likes this.
  11. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Hey kiddo! Sorry it took so long... I've been busy- but this is precisely why I suggested you do whatever you can to seek some help on a professional level. It can make these problems you're encountering more manageable, and thus life, more liv-able... Yes, there's no cure all or magic elixir. Nothing good comes easy. Usually treatment is not absolutely flawless, in so far as being 100% effective in taking away your pain and etc. Nor is it likely to be 0% successful either, if taken & followed faithfully (even semi-faithfully, for that matter)... Most often: it lies somewhere in between. And would you not take that if given to you at this moment? Even if it makes things half way better than they are now, would that not be worth the trouble? I do understand the economic concerns, and the lack of possible options if you're services are severely restricted due to certain beliefs about mental health (or the lack thereof). I'm just saying that if you're looking for answers; that may be one... And so if you can somehow find a way to get any sort of help whatsoever, on almost any level, you may begin to feel significantly better than you do now. And be able to function freely and feel reasonably normal once again. Slowly building the type of life you're dreaming after - or deeply desiring - or something profoundly simpler than that. Just not feeling like crap!
     
  12. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    i just want things to be back to normal.. i want my friend back.. i want things to be the same as they used to be..
     
  13. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    i say i don't care but really.. i care so much.. it's all i think of.. how things are fucked up.. how nothing really works out.. how i'm a total failure about things.. and how i've got a shitty life.. maybe i'm really useless and i just don't deserve anything good to happen to me.. that's probably what this is.. i'm crap at everything..
     
  14. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    i'm supposed to be getting better.. but i'm getting worse.. i'm regressing.. instead of making progress..
     
  15. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    All classic signs of depression coupled with anxiety. When I first started therapy for depression, I went uphill with optimism very rapidly, but then after a couple of weeks I crashed, severely crashed. All the old feelings and emotions came roaring back at me, I was suicidal again [after 2 recent attempts] and life was unbearable.

    Progress since has been painfully slow. Trying to get my meds right is a pain. Trying to understand what is going on inside my head and body is hard work and alien to me. learning techniques to help me manage is almost impossible. But I know I am ill and I know this is a long road, but I am on the road, thats whats important right now.


    Hang in there kiddo, its going to get better, you are going to get better, but you need patience and realistic expectations of yourself. If you prefer to talk privately, by all means PM me here anytime I am around, which is most of the time.

    Take care and above all, stay safe.
     
  16. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    thanks.. i actually never really expect things to be better.. if there is something i've learned.. it's that to never hope anything to happen.. hoping can hurt you.. so it's better to not hope about anything altogether.. i've tried my best to help myself get better.. i've tried a lot of times.. it's about time i just embrace this.. about time i give up..

    i've tried to stop self-harming for days i've been able to stop the urge.. but i get back to it eventually.. might as well just give in to the urge to do it.. i'll probably stop visiting the forum soon.. i don't know.. maybe i'll do just that.. this forum reminds me of a lot of things.. that i'd rather not think of..
     
  17. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Its not for everyone thats for sure, but I hope you think long and hard before you leave as this place does have a lot going for it. I understand you are in a real tough place in your life, believe me, I was there in March and should not be here now, no BS. Just hang with us for a few more days at least........please!
     
  18. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    this forum will always be special for me.. since i found friends here.. really good friends.. but i think i need a break from everything.. and everyone.. i don't know.. maybe i do.. maybe i don't.. i already tried leaving this forum before.. stayed off it for months.. only went back when i felt so alone.. like how i feel lately.. i'm thinking of trying to get stay offline not only on this site.. but on all the online accounts that i have.. everything just reminds me of things that i want to forget.. i'll try to stay as long as i could.. who knows maybe i won't leave at all.. ugh.. i don't know anymore..
     
  19. SinisterKid

    SinisterKid Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Theres no rush to make any decisions about anything right now is there? I used to be impulsive, but have learnt to calm down and try to think [try] before I act. But I have taken breaks offline myself, so I can empathise with you on the need to do that sometimes.
     
  20. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    of course there's no rush whatsoever.. but i at least need to do something soon.. before i end up doing something i'll regret.. or something i can't undo..