Now a lot worse off after being 'helped'

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Shock, Aug 8, 2011.

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  1. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    Hi all

    This is painful to talk about. This will be the first time I have really discussed it. A week ago I attempted suicide. i drove to a quiet street in the middle of nowhere. But I couldnt do it. I couldnt start the car. I sat there for ages. Eventually I decided I just need to talk to someone so I called Life Line. Although I said I was not going to do it and that I just wanted to talk they called the cops. I did not give them any information as to where I was - I didnt even know - or what kind of car I had but they some how traced my phone. Anyway just when I was feeling a bit better and was about to drive home the cops show up and rip open my doors and take my keys. They go through all my stuff and find the hose and everything. They were pretty rude about it saying that they would rather be at home then doing this shit and everything, though I said I didnt call them and didnt need any help. They took me to the psych ward where I was locked up. A nurse asked me a few questions, but I refused to answer them until I had a legal representative with me. She laughed, threw a yellow pages on that table and said good luck. I found a legal aid number but as they had taken my phone I couldnt call. After this they gave me a pamphlet stating my rights. I saw on it that I was allowed to request an allied person to help me. I asked them repeatedly to give me one but they didnt. Eventually they gave me a phone number to call but it was disconnected.

    I gave up and just sat on the floor having panic attacks for 12 hours until morning - no one trued to help, but eventually they told me to go to the ward cause they needed the interview room. They didnt give me my medication so I was just feeling sick all the time. Didnt eat or sleep a wink because I was just so scared. Eventually I saw a doctor and just lied my way out.

    Ever since then I have been having nightmares and panic attacks and feeling very dizzy and nausea. I am increasingly paranoid and cannot function at work. I even think they may be monitoring my post here. I feel my rights as a human and a citizen have been violated and I feel I am now considered a worthless piece of shit, like I am of a lower caste. I may attempt again, but this time will not call for help. It going to be a tough few days rebuilding any confidence. I definitely will not seek help from anyone
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 8, 2011
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Shock,

    :hug: Those professionals treated you terribly. It pains me to read about how these people are treating you all so badly.. definitely not the first account of this I've read lately. It's just.. not classy.. not nice at all! In fact, it's disturbing! I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through such a bad experience with those hospital/crisis/police employees.

    And the panic attacks and nightmares.. I wish I could help ease your pain. If you want to talk to me, my PM box is empty as usual.

    Stay safe,

  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you were treated so poorly dam You should have been able to call someone right away hun Can you call the adminstrator of the hospital and tell them how you were affected by such poor treatment Maybe something will be changed if you do. Just know hun not all nurses or caregivers are ignorant and cruel There are many who do understand and care. I hope you talk to your doctor hun get some treatment therapy to help you get over this trauma I do hope you continue to reach out here Here you will see caring people ones that do understand Get your depression taken care of okay talk to your doctor and get therapy hun so you don't have to deal with going into hospital again hugs
  4. jlc20m

    jlc20m Well-Known Member

    I'm very sorry that you were treated so badly and suffered so much. Have you seen your family doctor? It sounds like you've developed PTSD. This is something we have, too. Our T told us that being suicidal is traumatizing, and with everything else you went through... Please, see someone, ok???

    (in jlc20m's system)
  5. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone for your kind words during this time. I am starting to feel a little better :)

    I saw my GP today for an unrelated issue and have discovered the information has been passed on to him. Worse still it has been passed on to my parents. All without my permission. Makes it tougher :(
  6. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    You were treated horribly and agree that you should talk to someone, report it, whatever.
    But I wouldn't want them to hurt you more and I worry that they might not take you seriously over a professional. They should but they may not.
    That is the worst thing, the though you can't tell when something is right or wrong.

    I am so disappointed that when you were reaching out for help it turned into something worse.

    I'm sure you are totally drained after that incident and hope you truly are a bit better.

    I'm also glad to hear you are still here and didn't end up doing anything.
  7. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    Hi guys,

    I hope you do not mind me continuously updating this but I think SF is my only trustworthy form of support at the moment. It feels really good just writing it out here. Thank you all who have messaged me with your kindness! I just want to update a bit more. I have been to my GP again and I have been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Shock Syndrome, originating from the incident mentioned above.

    Also just following up, the hospital organised a follow up meeting with a related community mental health team. But this time I decided to take no chances. Let me say for the record I am not a paranoid person and am usually pretty laise faire, but I really felt I needed some kind of back up so this time I brought my lap top. It was a real struggle going there. Almost didnt. And once in the waiting room I left and walked back several times. Had a couple of panic attacks but was able to control them. Once I saw the psychologist I announced I was going to record our conversation for my own legal safety and records. She said she wasnt sure about it and called her manager, who came in and was pretty pissed with the whole thing because I was being difficult I supposed. Eventually, they contacted their lawyers who said it was not something they could allow. I said that I would just type it out instead and take notes, but they said this was not on either. I pointed out their double standards here, they being allowed to take any notes they wished, but they stood their ground, both getting pissed. People also came by looking through the door at me as well which was very scary. Eventually I was on the verge of throwing up from nervousness so I marched out. They didnt really try to stop me which was good. Managed to get home safe
  8. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    Wow, good for you for going and looking for the support you needed to do so.
    And you are so right about the double standard. They take notes incessantly and you can't? Doesn't make sense does it?
    I'm not paranoid either but I'd be thinking that every word I said would be analyzed whereas theirs could be "that's not what we said" and since you couldn't write it down or record it they'd just go against the patient since what do we know right?
    I'm just so proud of you...seriously I am. That took tons of courage and to work through panic attacks and still go and to get out safely when it was right for you to do so....I'm so impressed.

    I hope you are doing better today.
    Still has to be rough and you are in my thoughts.
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    mmm does not seem fair really i think my psycologist would allow me to take notes what was there fear really i don't get it they were being very controlling i could see not harm in writing notes out I do hope you are able to get to someone to help you though someone that understand and is able to work with you hugs
  10. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    You are not a worthless piece of sh**.

    You are a human being - a person, with hopes and dreams that have been temporally put on hold. You have depression - you'd just made the most important and profound decision anyone will ever make ever in this life.

    Whoever chooses to want to die has been through HELL - and with men its often the case we do it alone - we carry this darkness we do not share it with a living soul - and then it becomes like a cancer - a putrid darkness that infects every last shred of hope and optimism from you.

    Depression SUCKS!

    But - at the same hand - we have come on leaps and bounds with treatments and techniques to help those suffering from it. They reckon 1 in every 5 will go through it at some point - some time.

    And Depression can make you a winner! For sure. I think I'm ahead of the game because of depression. Makes me better at understanding people - gives me tremendous compassion for those suffering. Had I not felt that pain - maybe I'd not connect. I try to be optimistic despite my own lot in life. I think I help others - well. I hope so.

    Depression can be managed by confidence alone!

    I know because right now its all I have coursing through my veins in my mixture of Irish, Scottish and English blood. No meds - no psychs or counsellors and people who read Freud and think half of us are sad because we never dated our own mums. lol - father your own brother? Perish the thought!

    Anyhow - I'm not saying you should not get help. I'm old enough to deal with things and know my own condition. I know my flaws - or am trying to be honest about them. It is difficult - I do love myself - not overly so - but I've got a good self image.

    Also - you sometimes have to broaden horizons a little - find new friends and always keep an eye out for love if your a single guy or girl. That is pretty much obvious - no?

    For now - assess ALL your options - leave nothing out - you got options and you got us here to help and advise you.

    Please share with us - do not keep it to yourself.

    What's to be ashamed of?

    Being ill - lol - come on mate - this is just an illness - its not actually who we are!

    So good luck - takes time to get better but weeks - months - you could be saying to us "I don't want to die now!"

    Regards bro.
  11. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    Hi again guys. I thought I would update this one more time. And thank everyone once more for their support. Youve all been so fantastic!

    So after I marched out of the meeting with the community mental health team I got a call from my parents. They said the mental health team had called them expressing concern. This kind of put me on the spot as my parents knew nothing of my hospitalisation or visit to the community center. Again I had to just lie, lie and lie to them. I am so sick of lying all the time! Anyway, after that I went to my GP for an unrelated thing and found out they had called him as well. Again, I had not told my GP about my hospitlisation either. I dont like talking to complete strangers about it (except on here :)). He grilled me as well which was really uncomfortable. Finally, the day after I found they also called my psychologist who again grilled me.

    So, to sum things up: I went to them asking for my records to be removed from the hospital and asking for a little help. They reject me. And call absolutely every one they could informing them of my private stuff. Great. Thanks.

    What further annoys me is that they have my parents number. I dont remeber giving it to them. They must have gone through my phone when they took it from me in hospital or something.

    The day after I decided to grow some balls and call the mental health team back. I was very polite and just said frankly please don't hassle me any more and leave me alone. Just leave me alone. I said the affects of them calling everyone had made things heaps worse. She said she would close the case. I said 'great, does that mean you will get rid of my records', she replied 'no', but I left it at that.

    A few days later I got a letter in the mail saying they had closed my case. I may now be a little paranoid but I think its was a kind of threat, like 'We have your address - we know where you live'. It was an unnecessary letter, aside from that.

    Im still scared to death and have irregular heart beats and palpitations and consistent stomach aches and fevers. But the panic attacks have abated which is good.
  12. Anneinside

    Anneinside Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't worry about the letter. It sounds like standard procedure. I am not surprised that they will not destroy your records. There may even be a law, at least a procedural rule, that they have to keep the records. However you do have a right to a copy of the records if you want to know what they say.
  13. Jelly

    Jelly Well-Known Member

    This made me angry. That was completely uncharacteristic and wrong of them to do.

    I am SO sorry to hear this, I would file a report against what these people did...
  14. SaraRose

    SaraRose Well-Known Member

    This makes me really mad. Working in the health field I know they are on the edge (if they didn't actually go over it) of violating HIPPA. I say edge because I don't know all of the rules for the mental health and what is and isn't a violation. But I'm certain that calling family is going past.

    Hopefully that will be the end of those b******s because really, you don't need people like them. They were cruel people, people that really should know that when someone is depressed and seeking help they need to have some compassion.

    Please do not think that everyone out there is like this. I know from experience that there are wonderful people that are willing to help others who need it.

  15. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    Just following on from this. Its been almost a month now since the attempt. Considering the after affects on my health: the panic attacks have subsided and the shaking is all but gone. However, mentally I am still far worse off then earlier. I still have an aching heart that is beating way to fast - it kind of constantly pounds against my ribs - I still have nightmares almost every night, usually with the same thing: being back there and trying to get people to listen to me but theyre all ignoring me because Im insane and nothing I say should be taken seriously. I now dont get out of bed except for work.

    I don't know whether I should go to the complaints department of the hospital. Things are definitely worse then before. I kind of feel like I need some closure and, yes, sometimes I feel like I want to take some kind of revenge on those that fucked me up more. Im just really scared all the time now. What should I do.
  16. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    I've made an appointment to speak to the patient liaison team at the hospital on Tuesday. I'm not sure what I'm going to say exactly - guess I just want some closure. This is what I'm going to bring up:

    1. Why wasn't I given an ally - a legal requirement
    2. Why was I kept in a room with nothing to keep me occupied for 12 hours
    3. Why was I not given any medication
    4. Why did the nurse refuse to amend her notes when I pointed out she was transcribing incorrect information
    5. Why was I put in a locked room when I was clearly fine
    6. Why was my phone and wallet taken from me
    7. Why was nothing done when I had repeated panic attacks
    8. Why was everyone either rude to me or ignored me
    9. Why was I subjected to sleep depravation when they showed me to a bed but kept the lights on
    10. Why was I denied legal representation
    11. What is the hospital going to do about my post traumatic stress syndrome and subsequent illness
    12. What is the hospital going to do about removing my (incorrect) records

    I know a lot of this will be a long shot to clear but I feel it is important I try.

    Thanks all once again for listening :)
  17. Shock

    Shock Well-Known Member

    Hi guys,

    Just another update on this. I went to the patient liason officer at the hospital and we had an hour long chat. I expressed in a clear and polite manner all of my complaints and concerns. She said to look into she would need my name and all my details to see who would dealt with me at the time. I said I felt too threatened to give away details such as that. I mean what if I have a car accident or whatever and wind up back in the hospital under the care of one of these people and they try and seek some kind of revenge? Instead, I asked simply for all my records to be deleted and destroyed. She said she would see what she could do on this and will get back to me on Monday next week.

    Something she said toward the end really bugged me though - she said that they get a lot of complaints like mine. I said something like 'well why hasnt anything been done to improve it yet?'. She replied that things had been greatly improved over the last year. I said if that was trues then a year ago my experience would have been medieval. That kind of shut her down a bit.
  18. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Good for you following up with your complaints hun more people who speak up the faster the changes will happen so noone else will have to suffer like you hugs
  19. Underground

    Underground Well-Known Member

    Sorry I didn't reply to this sooner, but I'm really sorry about the way you were treated by the police and hospital staff (2 nurses and security guards). I know exactly what it's like to be treated like sh*t by them as I was in a drunken-depressive episode where I got dragged to hospital with police assistance in an ambulance nearly 3 months ago now and I got verbal abuse, mocking and insults, patronised, suggestions to commit suicide, made to feel pain deliberately, pushed around, had my face slammed against the wall, and so on.

    I see you've made a complaint, I actually find your story quite interesting, but I was actually advised not to bother making a complaint because it would risk me being labelled as a "trouble maker" and a "liar" in my medical records, which could effect the way I'm treated by that hospital in the future. I do hope everything goes well, but the fact they get similar complaints means there's a massive internal problem at that hospital, so it's likely it won't make too much of a difference, especially as they consider that an improvement.
  20. HawthornePassage

    HawthornePassage Well-Known Member

    Honestly, I would get an amazing lawyer and try your best to sue the hell out of these bastards. They deserve nothing less. As many of them as possible. Money won't make your anguish go away, but it might help your living situation in the future and also importantly it may stop them from treating others like this! Once you're a bit less rattled, I mean. Though it sounds like you have a lot of guts and perhaps this has made you even more gutsy....most people wouldn't respond this aggressively to being violated like that. Kudos to not letting them walk all over you. I was irritated at the way I was treated in a hospital, but it wasn't like this. If it was, I would've sued them to hell.
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