Now I know what I have to do

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sweetpea0, Jul 7, 2009.

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  1. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I have been thinking about suicide for some time now. I have talked with my therapist about my feelings. She tells me things will get better. That doesn't always happen. Today I was sitting in my living room and a bird flew into the window. Then it flew into another window. Call me stupid or what but I have always believed that this means someone is going to die. It happened when my aunt died. I know this was meant for me. It was telling me now is the time to die. The feelings are so strong. I don't know...
  2. transparent

    transparent Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way. My therapist tells me the ssame thing over and over and I just wanna scream at them ....they arent walking in my shoes, they dont know what its like to be me. I hate them....all of them.
    Just give yourself 24hrs....thats what i am doing now.
    Thats all I can say.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    God no one can tell you how you feel and withthe bird well it kept getting up and trying no matter how hard it got hit. We all have to keep trying because change will happen we have to make it happen. Therapist are there to guide us only and no theycannot even know or pretend to know our saddness but they can help us see away out of it. Hang in there until your T helps you find that way okay just hang on
  4. fromthatshow

    fromthatshow Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    hey sweetpea,
    I'm sorry you're feeling so low. I've definitely been there, am there all the time. How strong is your desire to die? Do you feel like you have intentions or just strong feelings.
    I know I am in trouble when feelings turn into intentions. If you find yourself making plans, step back and take a look. If you knew someone else who was making plans, what would you tell them to do? Probably go to the hospital.
    If it's not that serious, keep talking with your therapist. If it bugs you when she says things will get better... just tell her it's not helpful. Even if it doesn't bug you, sounds like that is not something that is helping.
    I'm here if you need a friend. I know what you're going through, and can't say I don't wish I were dead right now :hug:
  5. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    Birds don't fly into your window to tell you you're gonna die. Unless it's a crow with an undead guy following him.
  6. nevertheanswer

    nevertheanswer Active Member

    Please don't think that it is a sign that you have to end everything. Birds are part of nature and can therefore be unpredictable. I know the it will be wrong for me to contradict on what you believe in, but I urge you to consider.

    Fight that feeling! It's the first step into having a better life. Because what really matters is your conviction. You're just confused right now. Take the time to think this through; not just once. transparent is right in saying that you should give it some time.

    Keep sharing what you feel. Let it all out through this means.

    Take care.
  7. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    LOL! I'm sorry but that just sounds funny. You are determining your fate based on a brain-dead bird!!!? Common think about it logically, I mean do you think that God made the bird do that? Because God wouldn't do something like that. And I sure as hell know the bird didn't hit the wall on purpose!

    Hang in there bud! YOU determine your fate. YOU and only YOU. Take control and tell that bird to get the hell outta your yard!!
  8. ThoseEmptyWalls

    ThoseEmptyWalls Well-Known Member

    I believe that old wives tale too - about a bird that keeps flying into a window meaning death.. I dont have a comment for your feelings on that though..
    I also hate when people tell me things will get better or when people say I know how you feel, I understand, or any variation of that. Okay Im guilty of telling people I understand their feelings too but what I mean is I can relate. No one understands how I feel or knows how I feel because they arent me. They dont see thru my eyes, live in my body, share my brain..They dont know how I feel.. I hate to hear anyone talk about suicide because they feel its their only option. I feel its my only option to be honest with you. Things dont get better, if they do it doesnt last but a very short time so it might as well not even count. Im a pagan, I believe in reincarnation. So I ask myself sometimes if its worth suffering thru this hell when I will only move on to another life when my body dies in this life.. Im not afraid to die.. Im afraid of what will happen to my husband, my son, my beloved Shaggy, and my loved family when I die..But Im not afraid of death itself..What keeps me hanging on is my red headed son and my red headed dog Shaggy.. Okay, I know this is pretty random but I do hope it helps..We all have something worth holding onto life for. Sometimes its hard to trudge thru the shit and hang on, sometime it feels impossible..
  9. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    This isn't a sign, it's just an unfortunate accident. :hug: Don't give up.
  10. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    Thanks everyone for your posts. They do help. I am so confused. I always think that my family would say well she finally did it. About time. Now we don't have to worry if she is going to do it or not. They always get so angry when I have had attempts. I don't understand. Why can't they understand how I am feeling.
    All I ask for is their support. Maybe I wouldn't be so suicidal.
  11. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think their anger comes from not able to help you their anger comes from feeling like they failed They don't understand that sometimes the impulse to do something is stronger then the logic of doing it. They are not angry they are hurting inside each time you do this they die a bit. they are angry because the feel helpless
  12. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I don't want to hurt them. I just want the pain to go away. The only way this can happen is to die.
  13. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    If you die you'll hurt them. I don't know everything about your life but no matter how much you think you being alive, or how little you think you dying will cause them hurt it's not true. People will always care and the effects will be long reaching for them. :hug: Try and stay with us, hold on.
  14. nevertheanswer

    nevertheanswer Active Member

    They're also as confused as you are. Maybe they're having a hard time how to best handle the situation and it presents itself through disappointment and anger.

    They are worried about you, which is why they get mad when you say that that's how you feel. Dying is never the answer. You will hurt them more when you do.

    Stay strong and take care.
  15. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I'm still here. Today I feel better, but you never know what tomorrow will be like. I awake everyday thinking is this the day I die. I'm so close to saying yes.
  16. fweeps

    fweeps Staff Alumni

    my family always gets mad at me when i attempt girlfriend has never visited me in the hospital thats 10 minutes away from our house because she gets so pissed. I dont understand it either, when i really need them they go away.
  17. sweetpea0

    sweetpea0 Well-Known Member

    I know they don't know how I feel. No one does. It's scary knowing I am alone. I do appreciate all the post here. This gives me comfort knowing I can turn here and not be alone. The people here do understand.
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