Now I understand.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WOP, Feb 11, 2010.

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  1. WOP

    WOP New Member

    I could never understand why anyone would ever kill themselves, I always felt the option of living was always better no matter what. These past six months have been tuff and I have been reflecting on my life allot. Am a loner who had one good friend that moved to Florida for grad school about a year in a half ago, so I have been more alone then I have ever been before.

    I graduated high school seven years ago and since then have not done anything more with my life. I have always been a positive person, even though there has not been much to be positive about, my childhood was not easy, who's is? My dad is a constant gambler, liar, alcoholic, and drug user, although I do love him very much as does the rest of the family. Ooh and he's put me twenty-five thousand dollars in debt, I let him use my name and credit with always the promise he will make it right, I could never find a way to say no to him.

    I fell in love with someone really special and yesterday I told her, in the end she told me she is not the one for me, she was really kind about it but it still hurts allot. I was having this feeling of my heart in my throat and now its even worse. I just feel completely empty inside, I have no idea what do to, it seems time is going by so slow.

    It just seems like my life is dull and there really is nothing for me to do. I have no job and just found out the home am staying in has foreclosed and now I have 2 weeks to move.

    I feel so sad and sick and I just want it to stop. I have no appetite for food, I have to force myself to eat at-least one small meal a day. I could never understand how anyone could take there own life but I understand now why people do it. I don't know if I can actually do it myself, am really fighting myself on that, but I now know why people choose to end there own life.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    depression pushes a person to the point of complete exhaustion I hopeyou are getting some support for it. This one person says not right for you at least their was honesty so now you can move on and find someone who feels for you as you feel for them. Try to get some support okay call your GP let know how your feeling get some therapy even to help you with your depression take care of you okay.
  3. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry everything seems to be falling down around your ears but, another way to look at it is to think that life has given you a clean slate on which to build :) I'm not trying to downplay your problems in any way, just trying to put forward a different way of thinking.

    Is there a way of life you want for yourself? If I had a magic wand, what would be your perfect life?

    I am sooo glad you came here to share your story. There is so much support here for you, willingly given by people who totally understand how you are feeling. The most important thing you can do right now is look after YOU. I'm glad you are forcing yourself to eat, everything seems so much worse when you are physically weak too.

    Stay and talk it out with us, let us support you through this very hard time in your life. I'm sorry you feel so bad and, I am sorry for all the bad things that have happened to you. Let us try to help you make it better :)

    Lea x
  4. WOP

    WOP New Member

    Thanks violet and Leiaha for your support very much. Right now this is really my only means of support, I don't really want to tell my friend what am feeling, I don't want to add to the stress he's already going through from his grad school.

    Its funny am almost 25 now, when I was younger I thought by this time I would have a career and would have found someone really special to marry and well on my way to my first child. I think am realizing the hard sad fact that love may not exist for me.

    Am just trying to take it one hour at a time, I hope things can clear up mentally for me. I am just really scared that these feelings wont go away. And am feeling equally as mad as sad for how I let my life go the way it has.
  5. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    hey, take heart, i didn't meet my hubby til i was 26!

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