I could never understand why anyone would ever kill themselves, I always felt the option of living was always better no matter what. These past six months have been tuff and I have been reflecting on my life allot. Am a loner who had one good friend that moved to Florida for grad school about a year in a half ago, so I have been more alone then I have ever been before. I graduated high school seven years ago and since then have not done anything more with my life. I have always been a positive person, even though there has not been much to be positive about, my childhood was not easy, who's is? My dad is a constant gambler, liar, alcoholic, and drug user, although I do love him very much as does the rest of the family. Ooh and he's put me twenty-five thousand dollars in debt, I let him use my name and credit with always the promise he will make it right, I could never find a way to say no to him. I fell in love with someone really special and yesterday I told her, in the end she told me she is not the one for me, she was really kind about it but it still hurts allot. I was having this feeling of my heart in my throat and now its even worse. I just feel completely empty inside, I have no idea what do to, it seems time is going by so slow. It just seems like my life is dull and there really is nothing for me to do. I have no job and just found out the home am staying in has foreclosed and now I have 2 weeks to move. I feel so sad and sick and I just want it to stop. I have no appetite for food, I have to force myself to eat at-least one small meal a day. I could never understand how anyone could take there own life but I understand now why people do it. I don't know if I can actually do it myself, am really fighting myself on that, but I now know why people choose to end there own life.