Now I'm not scared

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by eduardo, Feb 3, 2010.

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  1. eduardo

    eduardo Active Member

    I have been depressed for the last 2 years. It's been really hard for me since I see bad things in everything. AT first I thought it was because I am a very sensitive person and I do care too much about the problems in my country and the whole world (violence, poverty and all that). That's one of the reasons why I am depressed but it's not the main one.

    For all other people I should be happy with all the things I have: health, family, friends, now I don't have a job but I can get a new one, I speak 3 Languages... But the thing is:

    1. I'm too scared of the future: What will the future bring? Violence? Poverty? Wars? Climatic change that will flood entire cities? Now there's a new tax law in my country that is not bad but it's not good either... look, I have always been a person who doesn't like to see people unhappy even if I'm not related to them. This will bring a lot of political tension here.

    2. I'm homosexual. Yes... It's hard... since I live in a third world country. It's not that gays are killed here but you cannot marry, have a normal life and that stuff...

    I was really really scared of suicide 2 yrs ago... It was like "NO" I will leave this country and start all over in Australia, Micronesia or anywhere but now I am not scared of suicide anymore... Before I thought suicide was something horrible now I see it like liberation... I see I will find the peace I do not have here... and I will FINALLY be happy anywhere else....

    Now, I have to wait at least 1-2 years so the life insurance is valid... (yes, there is a law in my country that life insurance is valid with suicide after 1 or 2 years depending on the case) and during this time I will think about how to end my life... I was scared before of jumping off a building but it's a little bit of pain to avoid so much pain before
  2. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    Hi Eduardo,
    first of all sorry for your situation i feel with you. If you are able to "wait" those 1-2 years i am sure you can use this time to solve your problems or at least try it. Some things in your post tell me you havent given up allready. I am not sure about your history as you havent said very much about it but you cant give up mate! Sometyimes i think the world is not ready for gay people. in third world country's this is a mayor issue yes. i happen to live in a liberated and free western european country where gays are being accepted by the mayority and being able to marry and even adopt children and i do believe this will come everywhere even if it takes alot of time. Being homosexual is not a reason to end your life neither is being scared of the future. Yes poverty and war is a bitch i am also thinking alot about this and it scares me. But i also tend to believe that people who are frustrated and/or sepressed tend to think to much about those things and are having problems finding and remembering the positive sides of live. Once you find a way to be happy i am 100% sure that you will think less about those issues and are able to view also the positive sides of life. nobody knows what the future will bring but that is how life goes. even the richest or most happy people do not know if they will still be in a war this life or loose a loved on but this is not a reason to be afraid of the future. i for one tend to turn of the tv and stopped looking news programms. i rather watch a good movie. In the past i never missed any news but today i see everything on tv is to negative. i dont like to hear how terrible the economic resession is or which celebrity died today. Maybe you should give it a try and try to close your eyes a litle bit for the "bad news" story's? it works for me. all tiny bits do help.hang in there mate i am sure you will make it
  3. ryanglander

    ryanglander Well-Known Member

    You are in a third world country!!!? Which one?

    I have to say that your worries about poverty, and such are of your concern because you are living in it! If you are ABLE to get out, do it. The united states has many problems, but here the problems are much fewer.

    I don't even know where to begin because I cannot relate to you. Tell me more about yourself. Education? Friends? Family? Hobbies? What kind of house you live in / possessions? Your personality?
  4. eduardo

    eduardo Active Member

    I'm not only worried about my country's problems but I mean... Haven't you heard how Earth will be in 10 years... Several cities including New York, Los Angeles and Amsterdam (all of those in first world countries will be flooded in around 15-20 yrs). This world will be horrible in few years....
  5. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    no Eduardo thats where you are wrong.
    please read my post above.You are being depressed and are only able to see and remember the negative story's spread around in the world. Please find help buddy. Amsterdam and NewYork is here now and will be here for much more longer.
  6. Littlewiji

    Littlewiji Well-Known Member

    Australia does sound like a good goal, but I'd check their policies on gay marriage too.

    Hang in there bud *hug*
  7. eduardo

    eduardo Active Member

    I wanna thank you all who have sent me support... Now I'm not scared... Maybe I will not even have to wait because when you wanna do something you just do it. I will finally find the peace I need.
  8. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    Eduardo have you tried to find some help? what is it which makes you see and believe only the negative things ? You must be depressed and are in need of help Buddy. Go find this Help asap!
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