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now I'm scared and confused

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by UsedToBe, Jun 27, 2011.

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  1. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    Not sure if I should start new thread, so if it's inappropriate, please can admins delete it?

    My brain is telling me to set another date. I'm scared, because last friday (when I failed) it seemed so real and now I feel even stronger about ending it. I just feel so detached. I gave myself 3 more weeks.

    Did an Autistic Spectrum Quotient test today - 43. No wonder I cannot tell what people feel. Maybe my never-to-be-boyfriends took me out because he felt it was appropriate... I told him I missed him and he hugged me. I froze. This is stupid. I always freeze when people touch me.
    The night was weird for me. We went to see a movie that happened to be very triggering for me, which I think he noticed and ask me if I wanted us to go. Or maybe he didn't notice and just got bored with the movie. I don't know, ffs.

    I texted him thanking for the night and I said that he doesn't have to feel obliged to meet up. He texted back 'don't be silly, see you soon', then texted to ask if I was home. I asked 'not yet, why do you ask?'. And I guess I was defensive again and maybe it sounded rude. He said he wanted me to get home safe...

    I can't work anything out of this at all. I am somehow emotionally impaired, judge people too quickly, cannot understand and interpret emotions and social situations. I don't know how to interact with people. I am falling for a guy whom I am going to lose, because I just don't know what to do, how to behave, what to say and when to keep my mouth shut.

    Juniper. A socially awkward being.

    Anyway, three weeks to go.
  2. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I thought you had a husband and children?

    Either way, have you been to a doctor yet? 3weeks isnt a realistic time frame to completely fix everything. talk to us here :hug:
  3. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    i do have a husband and children, but I will be separating.
    Booked an appointment for next Monday, the quickest I could get.
  4. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Ok hun, talk honestly with your doctor. tell them whats wrong what your feeling, otherwise they cant help properly. you need to be safe.
  5. UsedToBe

    UsedToBe Well-Known Member

    can't move today. Everything hurts. Listening to the song he once put on my facebook. My life is falling apart. If I'm struggling to get through a single day, how long will I be able to hold on?
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