Now or never

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by so empty, Jan 31, 2007.

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  1. so empty

    so empty New Member

    .__.
    Hello

    Im Robin, just joined here to write this message.. yeah im selfish im sorry for that. If the situation was different i would have trried to offer my advice to others here, not that it would have helped or anything, i cant do anything right.

    Lately, depression has gotten to me, ive been feeling more and more depressed each day, feeling worthless, started thinking about how worthless i am, how pathetic i am, how i dont deserve to live. I just hate myself so damn much... My life is meaningless, heh, i dont even have a life anymore you could say... no friends, nothing... ofcourse, who would want to be a friend to a selfish worthless looser?
    The last few weeks ive been having suicidal thoughts... thinking about ending this once and for all, i just cant go on like this anymore... i cant take it, my life is just falling apart, slowly, and so am i. I feel so empty inside, so alone, ive always felt like that, but never thought about suicide until recently...

    Ive prepared everything, perfectly planned it, for about 2 months ive sat a date and time when it would happen... and thats in 40 minutes from now.

    Theres nothing i want more than this, to just end everything, to stop... being me... i dont want to live like this. If this is how life is, i dont want to be part of it no more... i guess im too weak, but i admit that.
    But... im starting to feel scared, what if something goes wrong, what will happen afterwards... will anyone care... i would never want to cause pain to anyone else by ending my life, i dont want anyone to care... how will this affect my family, i dont want them to care, i dont want them to be sad, i dont want to hurt them... just forget about me

    40 minutes left.
    I know it must sound pathetic to have planned it like this, i had to... its now or never
    i cant go on like this. And if i dont do it now, it feels like i never will, and i just cant live anymore... im sorry

    If anyone actually reads this, and answers it will probably be too late.
    As i feel right now, im gonna go through with this... hope im not too weak, that i can atleast do this right.

    Thanks for listening, just had to write this. Had to leave som message... somewhere...

    Sorry
    /Robin
     
  2. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    i hope it's not too late robin
    i dont know if there is anything i can tell you to make it better. im in the same situation as you. alone, feeling worthless, friendless and wanting to die but hating that it will hurt my family. you seem like a caring person to think about how others will reacte, and you are not weak for wanting to end the pain. i've been there and am still fighting it. what is it that makes you hate yourself so much?
    i am here to listen, please talk.
     
  3. lost in space

    lost in space Well-Known Member

    All the negative self talk is the depression talking, its not the true you, I can hear the true you in your concern of hurting others...see you are a good person...the negative talk is the depression. Are you on any ADs...or antianxiety med? Please write back and share what's going on, I would really like to know?
     
  4. so empty

    so empty New Member

    thanks for listening and the fast response <3
    i dont know what to say, i just feel so worthless, i cant take this anymore i cant go on being depressed, alone, hating myself each and every day of my miserable life, it will never change unless i do something about it and i feel so damn helpless. i just want to stop this, and this is the only way, the easiest way...

    my lifes just been falling apart lately, and its only my fault im so damn worthless

    im so weak, i cant even do it
    the only thing holding me back is my family, i just cant do this to them... even as selfish as i am i just cant do it... i just cant
    i wish i didnt care, i wish they didnt care, i just wish nobody cared about me. nobody should i dont deserve it, i just want to get away from everything... from depression... from myself

    i must do this
     
  5. Robin

    there are people here who care about you, though we've never met nor ever spoken before. do it for yourself to stay and spend some time among us, and we can help in the smallest way, then that would suffice

    stay safe :hug:
     
  6. noplacetogo

    noplacetogo Well-Known Member

    you're right, it will never change unless you do something about it. but does that something have to be death? what is it that has driven you so close?
    i know how it feels to hate yourself so damn much that you don't think there's a chance. please talk to me and tell me what it is that has made it so unbearable.
    you are not weak and selfish, just in pain. and you deserve to be cared for even if you don't believe it. you don't have to do this. this may sound cliche, but what if it gets better one of these days. it's so cliche, but it's also very true. we never know, and if you do it now, you'll never know.
     
  7. lost in space

    lost in space Well-Known Member

    Robin I'm so glad you're still with us, myself and others do care about you.
     
  8. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Robin,
    Im so sorry to hear that ur feeling so trapped in ur life. And i really hope that ur still wit us, so we can try our best to help u get through this tough time. I also know what it feels like to have depression take over ur life. Ive made attempts at suicide b4 and although they were some of the worst things i have ever done, they have also taught me alot. I now know that if u really 100% want to end ur life, u will do it. This makes me so proud of u because u kept putting it off and that shows me that u do care, and deep down inside of u there is a glimmor or hope, however small it may be. U can build from that, im not saying its going to b easy, or quick for that matter. But if u just live 1 day, 1 hour or even 1 minute at a time, take one breath after another, u can get out of this hole u r in, and b far better for it!
    Please let us know how ur going, because even tho we have never met u, we feel for u and care about u more than u kno!
    Keep ur head up!
    Best wishes, Shauna
     
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