Now that I am done school, what now?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by AsphyxiateOnWords, Dec 12, 2014.

  1. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords If you're 555, then I'm 666.

    I made it a point to finish my last semester in college and get my degree no matter what. There were days that I was in excruciating pain with my stomach and I still went, days that I had bronchitis and still went...and at one point, I relapsed on heroin again and it put me out of commission for like a week, but even though I missed a couple days of classes because of it, I bounced back and continued to do what I had to do like before. And now I can say pretty confidently that Im going to get it, since I should be getting an A or B in both my classes. Well, for one thing, as hard as I tried to get this done, I feel like Im not as happy about it as I should be. It just kind of feels like okay so, now what cause other than having a degree, life is still basically the same as before. And I still need to get all my medical problems taken care of before I can seriously start looking for a job. Also, I kind of have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that because I worked so hard doing all this crap when I clearly wasnt physically capable of doing so most of the time, especially this past week working on the 4 different things I had to turn in for like 4+ hours at a time every single day while I was in pain...I deserve a reward. And well, being that Im a drug addict, you can probably guess what I want that reward to be. At one point in the middle of the semester, my husband had a bit of a freak-out moment where he desperately wanted to get high, and even though I was so tempted to say sure lets do it, I had to do the sensible thing and say no because I didnt want it to put me out of commission for yet another week and miss class again. Now granted, it worked in the end, neither of us got high...but ever since then Ive really been wanting to, especially now that Im finally done all this shit. Im trying really hard to ignore it and not let it get to me, though.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm not sure but wanted to congratulate you on getting your degree. Well done and fair play to you. :hug: It muse feel great to get your degree :)