now what

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wastingecho, Jan 10, 2014.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    i'm now as old as my father was when he passed away

    can't find a reason why i should keep going

    daughters are out of college and looking for jobs - my job there is done - now i have nothing

    have no joy, happiness, even contentment in my life - haven't for maybe 30 years now

    starting to break - sitting on the couch early saturday morning and just started sobbing for no apparent reason

    cry if the cat doesn't want to sit with me at bedtime - only company i get

    wife continues to mock my exhaustion (9 o'clock, why aren't you in bed yet?) - she thinks it's a hormone issue

    not sure what's left between us, but i don't think it has anything to do with love

    keep telling myself every morning that i need to die - it's become a regular ritual (tell myself i need to die, get up, get dressed, feed the cats, go to work)

    life is no longer something that i look forward to - i dread each passing hour

    have everything i need to do it right - ER won't be able to fix it

    now i'm looking for the nerve
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Your job is never done as a father h un your daughters will need you there when they marry and their children will need their grandfather You will always have a place in your family hun always hugs
     
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    my kids didn't have their grandfathers - they'll know what to do
     
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    One of my grandfathers passed away the year before I was born, and the other wasn't very involved in my life. Just because someone knows what to do in that kind of situation, doesn't mean it won't cause pain.

    I'm sorry you're in so much pain. I know there aren't words to fix your situation or make you feel better; just want you to know I care. :hug:
     
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    i agree with eclipse. they'll always need you and your love and advice kind of thing
    feeling alone and purposeless blows though. what are your hobbies?
     
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    If your daughters are grown and out (as my oldest two are as well) , while they still may need you , it does give you some flexibility so far as family needs go. Regardless of time , if you are getting nothing from spouse and marital relationship you no longer need sacrifice your happiness for the good of a family. Look towards making a better life just for yourself without the spouse now and still be there for the daughters when they need you or you need them. You are not too old to enjoy a few good years if you change your situation so that is a possibility - put the house up for sale if that is part of equation and move on - sounds like she did long ago without the courtesy of telling you that was her intention.... and sorry to butt in with unsolicited advice but I see the lack of day to day care needs of children as the opportunity you have been waiting for to make your life better - not to end it.
     
  7. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    have no hobbies any more - nothing holds my interest

    look forward and all i see is emptiness, loneliness, and pain

    see no reason to continue with nothing but regret
     
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Why not make an appointment and talk to a therapist? Is there a way for you to just talk to a counselor how you feel. You're a human being foremost and that heart in you wants to keep on beating.
     
  9. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I agree with those who say that just because the kids are grown, it doesn't mean they don't need you. My folks died when I was fairly young. I miss them so much. There were so many times when I wish they were still around, so I could talk to them, get and give a hug, be there when they were hurting, or have them around when I was hurting. If you die, you will leave a giant hole in their lives. They may not see that right away, but it wouldn't take long before they realized it. Stay around for when they need you. And, in the meanwhile, enjoy the free time you have.
     
  10. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    therapists, counselors - they never work for me

    free time - what free time? get up (4:00) , go 2 1/2 hours to work, 2 1/2 hours home, fix dinner (6:00) because wife rarely does, fall asleep from exhaustion on the couch then go to bed between 9 and 10

    this is my reality - over and over and over and over

    have no friends, no family to talk to, nowhere to go

    already have no life - just need to make it official
     
  11. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Don't feel down, I can relate with what you going through. The same mundane day duties everyday. It does get to you but you need to find a new challenge or desire to do. I have something that's keeping me going even though it means struggling over the next nine months. I'm going to have cope each day with my aneixty. Please email if you wish to talk in private. Take care Wastingecho please.
     
  12. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    been doing this for too long, too many decades - worn out
     
  13. sweetpea1212

    sweetpea1212 New Member

    Hi I can relate just hanging in but not for much longer I am so sorry you feel this way, I have many times in my life and things did improve but this time I am poisoned by drugs there is no cure..
     
  14. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Understand that, perhaps you need to let your wife truly know how you feel. Let it out and she will understand. Don't be alone and as we all here to support each other in our own crisis. To me everybody is worth something, does not matter how low ebb we all are. To me, your worth a lot and it's good to talk even it's virtual.
     
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You have people who genuinely care, and who would be your friends if you'd let them.
     
  16. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    no more - you know why
     
  17. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    A dream of mine was for someone to call me Dad.
    You will hear that call many many times before you are ready to leave your family.
    Cherish it
     
  18. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I do know why. But I also know that not everyone will do the same thing to you.
     
  19. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

  20. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, you posting gives me strength that you are still talking here. Don't get down. We are all in the same boat, each day is hard but we still pull through. We are all at a low ebb but together on this forum and the support we give each other helps all of us.
     
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