Just when I start to think that things may be getting better and I have some outlook of hope, something just drags me down. This is today. I have come to the realization that for the past 5+ years, I have been alone. I am tired of doing everything alone. I came to a town where I could find opportunities for work, but that meant leaving my entire family behind. I have lived alone, eaten alone, slept alone, watched TV alone for the majority of this time and I am sick and tired of it. Even when I was engaged, we lived in separate towns and spent 98% of our relationship away from one another. I caught a glimpse of what life would be like if you actually shared it with someone you loved and that you came home to every night, and I lost that. I don't want to go back to being alone. I feel lonelier now than I ever have. No matter what I do throughout the day - go to a movie, go shopping, go to work, hang out with friends - I still have to come home to an empty house, I still have to sleep and wake alone. There is no hope. There is no joy, there is no sense of fulfillment for what I have done with my life. After he left, I saw that this is not the life I want. And right now, the only single thought that keeps crossing my mind is "Do it." No one seems to understand the hell I am in right now, and nothing helps. I don't know what to do.