So just had a major argument with my someone special. I feel like such a shit. But the guilt card gets played on me. Its not like I feel great about myself under normal circumstances, but now it seems I can't do anything right. Everything in the last year that I've done, I've done for them. But nothing now is ever right, nothing. Theres always some smart comment made about everything. Or special things I try to do when I ask how they are I get an "ok" or similar. It hurts. Logically I understand its the illness and the frustrations, fear and sadness from their perspective coming out to attack me as they can't attack the illness. But I just can't do this. I can't control my emotions, I don't know what to do with them and now it appears that I've reverted back to my childhood methods of si. I don't have good coping mechanisms for dealing with things that affect me this deeply. What do I do? How do I make myself a better person, clearly what I am now isn't working? Is it all worth it? I've said it before, but its always the ones we love that hurt us the most. And, of course, I've no one to talk to about all of this. Watery eyes seem to be with me permanently anymore, trying to hold it all in, hold it all together.