Now what?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Mar 22, 2012.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    See you laters are said, people hug and say take care. My soulmate is gone. Now what happens?

    How do I pick up my life? Can I?

    Thinking tonight again about the thoughts of not being here. Strength - so many people say I have it. But, I don't. Sure it may appear that way, but inside I feel all jumbled up. I don't know what way to turn, what to do next. I don't know if I can be without them. I don't feel I can. I am scared alone. I worry about every stupid thing. A noise here or there, bad weather, looking after the animals, future source of income, bills that need paid, things that need done, what happens if something breaks down etc. etc. etc.

    It all seems way too much right now. Yes, a day at a time is the way to go - I do understand this, but in reality it is hard to get my mind to function that way. I'm just not wired to think in small increments.

    Am debating about cancelling T tomorrow. I don't care if I have to pay for it or not. I do care that I'm not sure how good it will do me to go. Probably more tears and I can't do that. I've shed enough. I'm not sure I want to become this reliant on my T - its not a regular relationship - it exists for 45 mins once a week. How is that meant to help?

    This time of night, in trying to rest, is the worst time of day.

    I want to give up. I can't struggle through this over and over and over. So, my choices are.... this or this or this.

    I am really alone. :( I don't know what to do now.
  2. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I wish I could offer more solid help Mo. I do think you should go to your T, let the tears come if they need to.

    You will not be struggling like this for long, your mind will adjust.
  3. toshi

    toshi Well-Known Member

    You are dealing with so much heavy right now. Maybe if you can just keep talking it out...either here or with "T" will help you at least see a little light. Im stuck, too. Every thing you worry about, I've worried about, too. At the core, though, I think I'm a good person and, although it isn't clear yet, I think I have a little more to give. I can tell you're a good person as well. Try - just try - to see what you have left to give someone else when it isn't so dark. It might help a little - and those small increments can add up.
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Just sending my hugs here too
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    :arms: Mo....
    I think seeing T is a good idea even if you don't feel like it....
    you still have us Mo
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