now

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Feb 19, 2015.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Normally I try to keep to the private diary area. Well, not normally, but I try to keep threads to a minimum. I guess that hasn't really worked. funny. bullshit.

    I don't think this post is in the correct area. oh well, more of my stupidity.

    I think I'm putting it here rather than private area because I feel like I need that contact. Or I know that I do.

    And I was told similarly this week. Talk about making me feel like a stupid shit. I know this, but I'm not that outgoing type of person - never was. And certainly in the last few years I am more different than ever before. I view things differently, feel things differently and so on. Why do people assume I should have moved on already? Or that I should have? Or should be? I know it is impossible for others to understand, but don't make me feel like a stupid shit with your perceptions and thoughts.

    I was surprised by a call this past week by a family member, a video call. Then I was nicely informed about my weight. Great, thanks. stupid again.

    Another family communication about something different but its the tenth anniversary of a friends sui. Like, really?

    Having a very rough time with flashbacks and similar. I don't know what the triggers are at times, just hits like a bomb. And I think because I'm heading into a rough time of year anyhow and am already a bit fragile at the moment, everything is just hitting hard.

    So, at what time do I call it? Can I? I know I'd like to. Very much so.

    I feel so dejected and awfully tired. Tonight is hard, very hard. I want to curl up. And yes, finish that sentence.
     
  2. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    This is why I should not post openly, it just reaffirms my negative feelings.

    I understand the whys and similar, but it hurts.

    Sin sin.
     
  3. MisterBGone

    MisterBGone Well-Known Member

    Hey MoAnamCara! I just want you to know that think the world of you. And yes, you may question, how on earth could I know? So you'd be right; I only know who and what you are based on what you say and do here. And if that is any reflection on the type of character you possess, then I am more than satisfied. You might say I strive to be more like you--well, I'm sure you won't believe me, and that's okay, I'm simply letting you in on the secret of how I'm feeling from my end.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Just wanted to give you a hug pet. :hug: Things will work themselves out if its meant to be :)
    I hope you are having a better day today.
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Thanks I really, really appreciate the acknowledgement.