Normally I try to keep to the private diary area. Well, not normally, but I try to keep threads to a minimum. I guess that hasn't really worked. funny. bullshit. I don't think this post is in the correct area. oh well, more of my stupidity. I think I'm putting it here rather than private area because I feel like I need that contact. Or I know that I do. And I was told similarly this week. Talk about making me feel like a stupid shit. I know this, but I'm not that outgoing type of person - never was. And certainly in the last few years I am more different than ever before. I view things differently, feel things differently and so on. Why do people assume I should have moved on already? Or that I should have? Or should be? I know it is impossible for others to understand, but don't make me feel like a stupid shit with your perceptions and thoughts. I was surprised by a call this past week by a family member, a video call. Then I was nicely informed about my weight. Great, thanks. stupid again. Another family communication about something different but its the tenth anniversary of a friends sui. Like, really? Having a very rough time with flashbacks and similar. I don't know what the triggers are at times, just hits like a bomb. And I think because I'm heading into a rough time of year anyhow and am already a bit fragile at the moment, everything is just hitting hard. So, at what time do I call it? Can I? I know I'd like to. Very much so. I feel so dejected and awfully tired. Tonight is hard, very hard. I want to curl up. And yes, finish that sentence.