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nowhere to go

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bridget, Feb 21, 2012.

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  1. bridget

    bridget New Member

    I have chronic pain (with 2 major health problems) and no doctor will treat me (long story), I can't work and disability takes forever to get and I have no money so even if I could find a doctor I wouldn't be able to afford it. Can't get Medicaid because of my piddly unemployment that I'm still getting for a short while longer. Soon I'll run out of all money, all the medicine I have, and lose my home, car, dogs, everything. My family doesn't want to help - they think I'm a burden and pathetic. It just seems like it would be so much easier to just end it all. No more pain, no more crippling depression, no more lectures on how I got here due to poor choices (because apparently I chose to get sick). I have a freaking MBA and now I'm a jobless, hopeless, pain-riddled loser.

    Not sure why I'm even posting... what can anyone say? "Chin up"... "it gets better"? How? How does it get better when you know for a fact your health is deteriorating and there's nothing that can change that? How does it get better when you lose everything you've ever cared about?

    Sometimes I think I should just run away... use the last bit of money I have to buy a plane ticket somewhere, anywhere, and just disappear. But then what? I'd still be in pain and penniless. Suppose being homeless in Florida might be nice - except for hurricane season.

    No, I can't do that - it won't help. I don't think anything will at this point.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I do understand being in chronic pain, myself, and having to deal with all of the compromises that it brings...similarly, I have two major heath problems, both of which I probably have no hope of being cured...the grieving process of dealing with all of this is awful...I know what it is to be told to not 'be grumpy', or 'don't talk that way', when I talk about not living that much longer...my internal voice is constantly saying, "I am sorry my illness is such an inconvience to you"...can you find work at home (check Craigslist or LinkedIn) that you can do from home? I have found several jobs that way...and you are NOT a burden (although I have many wars stories like yourself that helps me to feel this way)...and share what you are going through...surprisingly, it does help...when I feel I am getting to the end of my rope, knowing that there is a place to be heard makes quite a difference...also, please PM me if you would like to have someone along the journey who truly relates
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