Venting Nudes taken as a child

[julibearx]

So when I was around 7 right? I was in the care of a female family friend.

One morning I was about to take a bath with my then 5 year old sister when the family friend comes in the bathroom. She tells us to take off everything. I was kind of hesitant but I did it because I thought it was normal. She then takes out her phone and snaps a few pictures of us. We had nothing on at this point and tbh I have no idea why she even did that.

Then she said we looked so cute. She never really said we looked cute so saying naked children look cute kind of just seems wrong?

But then again I might be overreacting. After all, I don't remember anything else that happened at that time. Maybe she just thought we looked cute? But she never took pictures of us WITH clothes on so it just seems weird..

And now years later I still feel horrible about it. Like sick, I feel like crying.

Does this count as CSA? Or am I overreacting?

 

[LonelyHiker]

I think whoever was babysitting you and your sister definitely violated your boundaries and privacy. I'm not sure what she did could be classified as "assault", but it was definitely inappropriate and you have a right to be upset about it.

 

[LumberJack]

wow that is really complicated. The fact that she didn't take more pictures in a more comfortable (aka clothed) environment is troubling. That being said I remember being that age and any time I got to run around nekkid was fun. I don't know why, guess I hadn't learned to be modest yet. It certainly didn't have anything to do with eroticism; I was simply more comfortable with less clothing. This might be genetic, as when my nephews were little and I babysat, keeping clothes on the boys was a full time job. Might just be Karma though!

The fact that it made you uncomfortable, though is a sign that your personal boundaries were violated. I would say that it's NOT OK if you didn't feel good about it, and unfortunately a kid that age is not going to be practiced in the art of communicating boundaries. However kids can give non-verbal cues and your babysitter should have respected that. I am guessing that as a babysitter she had experience and was at least intuitively familiar with how kids communicate their emotions. It seems like a selfish thing to do, even if it was just "cute." I feel for anyone who, as a child, was expected to fulfill the needs of the adults, because that is unhealthy. In human societies, ideally adults take care of kids, not the other way around. I'm aware the unhealthy pattern occurs frequently, but think what a better world it would be if we didn't have ~95% of adults walking around with unaddressed childhood abuse/neglect that they are still feeling.

Sorry this happened to you - I can't say if CSA or not, but it was a poor experience that you still remember. My own work on childhood trauma has been to work with therapists on how the memories are affecting me today - we can't change the past, but we can change our present. Dunno if that's any help but I do hope you find a way to healing.

 

[KM76710]

@julibearx

Welcome and glad you are posting here and getting to know the place. I agree with the above two comments about your boundaries and also the part put by @LumberJack where you expect if someone finds a child cute and it not seem off they will and should take plenty of pictures just letting the kids have fun, play, dress up silly or pretty and be more of what folks would expect from kids just being children and having a good time with their innocence.

 

[may71]

I think youre entitled to have whatever reaction youd like to. I think what she did was a crime and at least some level of csa.

 

[julibearx]

Thank you guys for your thoughtful replies.
I'm trying to get better from what happened, and I really appreciate you guys listening to me, tysm ❤️

 

[KM76710]

Thank you guys for your thoughtful replies.
I'm trying to get better from what happened, and I really appreciate you guys listening to me, tysm ❤️

You are most welcome. This is a good place to find listening members.

 

[LonelyHiker]

Thank you guys for your thoughtful replies.
I'm trying to get better from what happened, and I really appreciate you guys listening to me, tysm ❤️

I hope being able to talk about what happened will start you on a path to healing from it. I was a victim of non-violent sexual abuse as a tween (by my "god"parent, no less), so I truly understand.

I wish you peace...