numb, almost all the time now...

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by numbalina, Feb 4, 2014.

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  1. numbalina

    numbalina New Member

    :boink:

    Dear Lord,
    I kneel down before you at this moment, Please enlighten what is dark in me, strengthen what is weak in me, mend what is broken in me, bind what is bruised in me, heal what is sick in me, revive whatever peace and love that died in me. I'm tired of the pain, both mental and physical. my physical pain is getting worse every day? I feel like a cement block around my husbands neck. My doctors and tests are costing us everything... JUST one more thing that goes wrong and we could go homeless... how do you wrap your mind around that I'm worth more dead then alive... well.. not worth more but I won't cost him anymore either...
    I'm sorry I haven't introduced myself... I have fibromyalgia, and acute nerve pain in my chest. DEPRESSION has been apart of me for as long as I can remember, I was sexually abused as a child and bullied to death at school, before it was noticed as a big problem. I quite school in the 9th grade because of it.( I was also held back 2 years) I guess that would put me on the short bus. I have been trying to get on disability for 4 years now. I just lost my second time. I just want to end it all so I don't bankrupt my husband now...
    The only thing that stops me from ending it all is I'm SCARED to death I'll go to hell. that might sound dumb to some of you but there it is... BUT, I think I'm getting to the point where I think I deserve it. I'm scared... really scared... there's no relief... NONE... I lost my first husband of 23 years to kidney failure he was my soulmate. It took a couple of years, but I did get through it. and that is how I feel about my family if I did kill myself they would get through it. they all have lives of there own... I wouldn't be missed. I don't even have ONE friend, not one. nobody would miss me.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 4, 2014
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    With applying for a disability you need to have your doctor help you file the forms ok all your diagnosis the reasons you are disabled With a doc not the application goes smoother
    do not give up hope ok YOU keep filing but get the help of all your professional contacts therapist and doctors to write in your disabilities You will be missed don't let the depression trick you into thinking you won't We move on but the hole in our hearts always stays the sadness stays and the guilt we fee stays hun hugs to you
     
  3. numbalina

    numbalina New Member

    I have done all you suggested, I had a lawyer, and all the doctors notes. My husband says I have a bad habit of making myself NOT look sick when I'm around people I don't know..., I put on my mask and fool every one who doesn't know me..,. I had to think about that?... I guess I do?... people don't REALLY want to know how your doing??? when they ask...... it's only a politeness, they aren't really wanting to know...
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    the only way to get a disability is to be true to them and yourself they cannot see the disability if you don't show it to them ok keep trying keep submitting the documents any up to date documents as well ok from hospital emergency dept walk in clinics etc
     
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