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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Endlessagony, Mar 30, 2011.

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  1. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker


    Haven't been here in awhile (though I doubt anyone remembers me).
    I haven't had any suicidal thoughts recently but I'm still slipping deeper into oblivion it seems. All the things that I've depended on have turned to ashes in my mouth, I am unable to derive joy out of anything. I just cannot see any possible future where I succeed. Furthermore yesterday I discovered a lump in my groin, going to the doc tomorrow. Just what need right now... Also my financial and social situation is in the dumps, I'm starting to have severe panic attacks even when talking to people I know well.
    This world is getting the best of me it seems.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    sorry to hear that things are bad. I hope that the lump turn out not to be something serious

    I understand about the social anxiety.

    avoiding processed foods, eating fresh cooked whole foods, all food and drinks served warm, and doing some meditation practices was helpful for me.

    I hope that things can get better for you. For me it's very helpful if I can tell someone that I'm experiencing social anxiety, and if they can understand that, I think that puts them at greater ease and it puts me at greater ease too.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi i am glad you are seeing your doctor tomorrow try not to worry okay it could be a hernia or something other. I do hope you talk to him about your anxiety and depression while you are there as well okay Maybe look into getting on some meds for a short while to help you through this tough time. It helps Let us know how it goes tomorrow okay :hugtackles::hugtackles:
  4. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    I really want to tell the doctor about my psychological problems too but to be honest I don't think It will happen tomorrow. In the past I haven't had much success with being understood and that makes it incredibly difficult for me. I think I'll see first how this goes. For me it feels easier to open up to a woman, just because there's a higher chance of them being compassionate (not trying to generalize, just feels better for me). I might just book a new appointment later, thankfully I can use a private clinic as much as I need/want to.
  5. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Seeker

    Whew just got back from ultrasound and the doc said it does not look malignant, it's probably some sort of infection/irritation of the lymph node. I'll know better what it is on monday when I get the callback (they also took blood samples which I haven't heard anything about yet).

    Actually this gave me some more motivation to start taking better care of myself, I'm going to start taking the bike to work and stick with my home workout routine. My diet is actually pretty good already with lots of veggie's (almost all of them fresh) and good sources of protein, I also eat vitamin supplements daily. The big problem is with alcohol, I've developed a pretty good addiction during my downtime. I know it would help a lot to stop drinking but things like that are hard in a fragile state of mind. Hopefully increased exercise will make it easier.

    There's still a slew of other problems that aren't so easily remedied but I can't really process them right now, just have to live in the moment and take advantage of what I can.
  6. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    glad to hear that the lump seems benign

    idk, maybe if you called a crisis line they could direct you to someone who would be a good md to talk to about treatment
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