Hello, I'm Kelly. I'm in my twenties. I have a BA in Psychology (not a healthy choice for an undiagnosed depressive with a likelihood of an array of other disorders, by the way) a 3.8 GPA, no career to speak of, and a great deal of trouble with social relationships. My estranged father suffered from bipolar disorder til his 50th birthday, when he was struck by a car in Las Angeles and passed away. My mother has intense dependency issues, my brother is a highly anxious aspie. So, as a whole, I'd say I've had the concept of mental illness ground into my brain fibers since as long as I can remember. Depression is nothing new to me; I can't remember a time when I wasn't low, when I didn't have overly-existential thoughts and when I wasn't questioning the point of everything. Before I was at an age to even identify my thoughts and sadness I was already experiencing somatic symptoms. My mental illness over the years has evolved from being a cutter in my teens, angered by my parents separation, the stranglehold of my mother's protective tendencies, my step father's very intentional lack of care for me, and my step sisters knack for making my every struggle much more real in comparison. Today, I'm not only aware that I don't blend in with my surroundings... looking out at the extroversion, the narcissism, lack of compassion, the business and consumer-driven, backstabbing world we live in that breathes in headlines and paychecks, I'm not sure if I want to. I fear the lack of meaningful relationships in my life; the knowledge that I am largely responsible for which... the sinking darkness that wells up inside of me, without warning or prejudice, that makes everyday actions both embarrassingly challenging and seemingly worthless. But the bigger fear I hold today isn't whether or not my depression with ever end, it is whether I have so successfully isolated myself from social relationships, career prospects, and a positive perspective of the world, that I can never assemble the courage, the energy or the resiliency to reintegrate myself into it. Pleased to meet you.