numb

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by andyc68, Mar 14, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    where did my life go?
    what happened to the andy i knew?

    i have tried so hard to push past the pain i feel, i was getting on with what little life i had but she has stuck the final knife into my back to complete her plan to totally destroy me.
    all i had left was the hope i would get a little something out of the house sale to support myself and keep paying the rent on my house, but now she has taken that away and agreed to something i would never have.
    i feel so confused and lost, totally lifeless and numb inside.
    i have done nothing to deserve this yet i am the one to hurt.

    i never realised falling in love would hurt this much.

    now i wonder whats the next stage in this pitiful life, do i want to die and escape this pain? yes, i am back to feeling like that.
    do i think i can go thru with it? not sure, waant to but scared to fail and find i am still here and everyone knows how i feel and i just get patronising plattitudes.

    life sucks
     
  2. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Andy, she's been a bitch from the start of all this and isn't about to change. She is the female version of my ex!!! I understand what you are feeling. Total confusion and hurt. No, you dont deserve it and it hurts like hell and you aren't prepare to deal with the aftermath of her actions. But hun, you are so strong, dont let her get under your skin and into your mind. Dont let her win Andy!!!! She has dealt you a blow, but you have to pull yourself back up and face her and say " you can't beat me down, you cant destroy me, I'm better than you and always will be!" Hun please please be strong!!!
     
  3. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    don't know if i am that strong hun, i have been trying but that was because i was expecting to get some cash from the house sale but with her little plan i will end up still owing money with the house sold for almost nothing.

    its hard as it is, i have been living as close to the breadline as possible, i eat 1 meal a day and thats just beans on toast. what a crap life.
    all what money i have goes on making sure i have at east a roof over my head.

    i seem to be on a path of self destruction i can't stop, i feel dead inside and spend my days like a zombie.
    i can't feel any love in my heart, no joy in my life and no hope for the future.

    what i once was is just a vague memory.

    i am in a downward spiral and if i am going down then i will take her with me, she needs my signicture to sell the house, well bugger that. i can play this game too, my ultimate revenge will be to leave her in financial hell just like she has left me, then i will leave her emotionally broken as i am.

    and the worst thing is, this isnt me, its not what i am like and i hate myself even more for feeling this way and for what i want to do.
     
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Please Andy let me try and help you find all those things you feel you've lost. You are not alone in this. You have been there for me so many times and now it's your turn. Hey, I can give ya lots of tips for the food thing hun. Been there with 4 kids for 2 years now. And we may be loosing the house in April, but we still know how to get food in our bellies! Andy time and time again you have shown your inner strength. And if you dont feel it now let me and the other members help you find it again. Don't give up, you are such a wonderful person! Don't allow her to do this to you!
     
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Andy, please just a line to let me and the others know that you are still with us. Your silence is never a good sign.
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    andy, haven't seen you here for a few days... let us know you are ok?

    catherine
     
  7. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Hope you're ok mate.

    You're where I'm gonna be soon, so if you can't make it there probably won't be much hope for me either.

    I'll be thinking of you, take care

    Let us know you're alright.

    :hug:
     
  8. Mirra

    Mirra Member

    I hear you man. I know what's it like to be forced to be mean to someone you love and you don't want to do it so you decide to hurt yourself more by going against yourself not to hurt her. But she wont get it, she will just think that's normal and take it for granted. Alot of years will pass before she gets it,maybe she never will.

    I've been drowning in hurt for 4 months now and it has left me empty and devastated. All I feel now is numbness followed by these headaches and I'm struggling to keep functional, but I know I have to. This stupid dull pain I cant even identify, I cant tell if it's emotional or real, I just know it just wont stop.

    Sorry man I dont want to hijack your topic, just know that you are not alone, plenty of us out there.

    God bless.
     
  9. DrownedGirl

    DrownedGirl Well-Known Member

    I just wann say this. Well i am myself probably more numb than you,and i know how it is... It is kind of strange that i say this but pliss listen and think abaut it. No person alive should make you feel bad for yourself. I whish i could help you more .
     
  10. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    thanks for your words.

    i am still around, just been ill over the weekend.
     
  11. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hope you are feeling a bit better today,
    nice to see you back around
    catherine
     
  12. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    still here and feeling better, well, better as in i am not ill as in just plain sick.
    still struggling badly with my emotional and mental baggage, started a/d's again and will carry on to see if things improve.
    still in a place where i wake up ashamed i am still here, wish i had the strength to just go.

    just really tired of carrying my burdens.
     
  13. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

  14. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Andy, I'm here for you, we are all here for you. Just reach out and grab my hand. Hun, how can I help?
     
  15. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    hey andy, you're not alone feeling this way. sending you a big hug across the pond,
    catherine
     
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.