Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by NooSenseFantastika, Jul 9, 2008.

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  1. NooSenseFantastika

    NooSenseFantastika Well-Known Member

    Numb, is the only word I can think of for how I am feeling. I've come to a point in life where I need to rethink things, relationships, personality, goals. So many people have told me they can trust me, but I cannot seem to return that same trust. I do not understand why I am so paranoid about people, even after they have proven that I can trust them. I'm always worried that one day they'll just wake up and hate me. It happens to me alot. All of my friends just got tired of me, and I dont have many friends now but the ones, or one, I do have I do not want to lose. In all honesty I'm really only talking about one friend. Really they're the only friend I have. I do not want to let them into my world, but at the same time I do. I'm terrified that once they see me with my walls down they'll think I'm pathetic. I'm not as smart or wise as I seem. Im just weak and scared and lonely. I get paranoid over small things, but as paranoid as I am, every person who told me they wouldn't get tired of me like everyone else...eventually did. I am not a good friend, I've never been a good friend. I'm bossy and rude, inconsiderate, mean. I am the downfall of my family and a curse apon my friends. I do not derserve to live, or be happy. I really do believe that everyone around me would be so much better off with me dead...
  2. Blueberry

    Blueberry Active Member

    I'm sorry that you're being tormented by these thoughts -- but I assure you that nobody would be better off without you.

    Depression tells very good lies, and it almost seems like they're true -- it's only when you wake from them that you realize how distorted your thoughts had become.

    I hope that you reach out and find out if meds or therapy can free you from these painful thoughts. I know they helped me, and it's made all the difference.

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