Numb

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Christopher19, Jun 10, 2009.

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  1. Christopher19

    Christopher19 Member

    This was hard to write, so it might be a little disjointed.

    I've always been miserable, and those feelings have plagued me for a long time. I've never seen a doctor about it, neither have I ever been on medication. A stiff upper-lip, well, at least to the world. My family have recently become aware of my depression, but I don't think pills would help, like I say, I've always been this way. However, recently, I feel I'm breaking.

    I'm 22 and I'm a student at University. I was ill for two years and that kept me from starting my degree. I've now finished my second year. I try to work hard, though this semester my mood has severely impacted my work, I'll find out how badly soon. But I've no social life, and my friends have moved away. I've little or no interest in sex. I find many things very confusing.

    But the last few months have been overwhelmingly bad. I simply feel I can not 'keep going'. I've sat and counted out pills, composed notes and planned every detail. I'll be awake all night looking at a box of tablets, and dreaming of how better it would be to get away from life. I don't know what is holding me back, but I feel so close to the edge I'm numb. I'm not sure how much longer I can go, each day is a struggle... and I think I'm loosing. I've got the 22nd as a 'date'.

    I don't know why I've written this or what I expect of it.

    Sorry

    Chris
     
  2. reefer madness

    reefer madness Account Closed

    Welcome to the forum. I think you should give a doctor and pills a try.
     
  3. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    It was a good choice to post here. Do have any aspirations or things that you wish would happen. Is there anything in the future you find worth living for? Because if there is then you should take a step back. AD's could very well help you. From what it sounds like you have messed up brain chemicals and that means that alot of what you are feeling could go away with AD's. I used to think that AD's wouldn't be able to help me but they did. I wasn't ready to be successfull but you don't know anything until you try. You don't have anything to lose by having a one time meeting. The AD's will not make life perfect but they could help get out of this disabilitating depression. Isn't that worth a try. PM me anytime if you want to talk. Good luck and the best of wishes.
     
  4. snowraven

    snowraven Well-Known Member

    Hi Chris and welcome to the forum. The fact you are posting here suggests you are looking for help. Try taking some time to talk to people here. I know how much it has helped me and hope it can do the same for you. Best wishes.
     
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello Chris

    Welcome to the forums. I am glad you found us and hope we can give you the support you need right now.

    I'm sorry to hear you are struggling so much.

    May I ask, why haven't you seen a doctor/psych about your depression?
    The right combination of anti-depressants and counselling can make all the difference,you do not have to suffer chris. There is a lot of people out there :hug:

    PM me if you'd like to talk,anytime xxxx
     
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hardcore and Daisychain have a good point.. You have dealt with this since you were young.. It definitely could be a chemical imbalance and the right combination of meds could help turn things around for you.. What do you have to loose?? Give it a go and see what happens.. Keep in mind it takes four to six weeks before AD's start making a difference..Good Luck!!
     
  7. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    I tried to kill myself when I was about your age. That was a long time ago. My life has not been a happy one, and it probably never will be, but life isn't really about happiness or pleasure and you should take your focus off those things.

    Your perspective is very limited right now. You need to open up your horizons and think about things that you have never thought of before.

    Why not set out tomorrow on a cross-country hike? You can't even imagine what might happen along the way, can you? That's the point in doing it.
     
  8. max0718

    max0718 Well-Known Member

    Cristopher,

    I assume you haven't tried medication from your post. Forget all the stigma that surrounds anti-depressants. Bottom line - depression is the MOST treatable mental illness, and anti-depressants plays a big role. It isn't a cure-all pill, but it will take the chemical imbalance away, which will give you the strength and presence of mind to correct whatever has led you to this point.

    Don't give up. Especially if you haven't yet tested the treatments that are available. Share a little more about yourself. The more we know, the more we can help.

    Keep us posted.

    Max
     
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