This is my story, which I think is the main contributor of my depression: (lack) of a number of sexual partners. Let me explain... I'm 31 years old (male) and have had sex with one woman in my entire life, my partner since 10 years back. The thing is I am mortified by the prospect of others finding out what a loser I am. Why didn't I land more women? My depression proper started about 2.5 years ago when I hit some form of midlife crisis. I realized that despite all my efforts professionally (I am a succesful high performing person) I have only ever laid one girl. And it's not like I could choose, I took the first best. Now I'm the sort of person who doesn't let just anyone close, I invest alot into relationships, which might be another point of contention, but more on that later. Now don't get me wrong, I like sex alot. I have a pretty healthy sex drive and am not in any way asexual. BUT, thing is that all the sexual fantasies that I have have all taken a backseat in this trawl of a life I lead. My life consists of going to work (performing on a high intellectual level) and then back home to kids and sour wife, repeat ad infinitum. A big part of my life is obviously my partner. She already had a sexual past before meeting me, with having adventures like group sex etc under her belt. My belief was that I would at some point get to experience stuff out of the norm too, but that hasn't happened, far from it. So what to do? One option which I have weighed heavily is to leave my partner, which is in my view inevitable. This I think is also why I am in a crisis since I am really bad at letting people go that I have let close to me, so can't conciously do it, it rips me apart. That's it for now. Please comment on your thoughts about the mess that is me, all comments most welcome. I'll be adding more as a discussion develops. Help me wrap my head around this.