I think it won't be that long now. In the past emotional messyness had prevented this. Having been thru all this before it's hard not to know what works and what doesn't. Plan that have gone wrong seem like practice that makes perfection. The usual panic I feel beforehand has gone. It no longer feels wrong. I'd be making another persons life better by not being here and certainly won't be missed for long in real life. Have hardly even made a dent on this earth so.... Waiting for the abyss to swallow me has been painful but this calm and numbness is helping. It's just what I needed.