Numbness

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Endlessagony, Sep 18, 2010.

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  1. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Well-Known Member

    Don't know if anyone remembers me, I was here some time ago with seemingly irrational problems. Well I've got some more of them, heh. Good news is I think I've gotten over my suicidal feelings (or urges rather). Lately I've been actually doing a bit better in life, that is until today. I've again foolishly trusted my girlfriend and found out she's been lying to me the whole time. God I can't believe I let myself trust her even after she repeatedly broke my trust before.

    Please don't just tell me I need to leave her I'm afraid it just isn't that simple. I really feel stuck in this awful nightmare, I'm just completely numb inside right now. Once again I'm in this hellish pit of despair while it seems everyone else around me are doing great. Seeing all your close friends move on without you is something that I didn't want to experience again, still that's the way it is now.

    I guess I'm not making much sense here, I don't even have the ability to explain this situation to anyone else.
     
  2. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I understand how hard this situation is...I was in a relationship like that and it took so long for me to get out...
    why do you feel you are stuck with her?
     
  3. loser

    loser Well-Known Member

    You are making sense. I can believe you let yourself trust her because you needed to and she is probably very charming, People and emotions are complex. This is a nightmare that has to be worked through or worked out and you may not be ready to make a break for all sorts of reasons. It does not mean you are stuck. At present you are in shock and seem to be blaming yourself. No point in blame anyway. You might consider discussing with some relationship guidance agency.
    You probably are aware of there risks of getting involved with someone on the rebound. But you may be vulnerable. When powerful emotions kick in we are at their mercy. Provided you survive this crisis you will may well meet someone with whom you will have a happy relationship. In the meantime hang on to those aspects of you life that are going better for you. The hell you are experiencing is one that you will survive .
     
  4. superted1999

    superted1999 Member

    wish i could talk to sum 1 like now will someone plz read my posts and and unlock them
     
  5. Endlessagony

    Endlessagony Well-Known Member

    I've decided I'm not going to let this break me, I really don't want to become bitter again. Even though I can't trust her I'm gonna try and let this glide past me. I always get so stuck on things that went wrong, I have to see the bigger picture. Hanging on to the good aspects sounds like a good plan to me. I was getting back into my guitarplaying before I found out about this and it felt so good, I felt much more focused and actually made good progress which I haven't for a few years. I've also decided I'm not going to take anymore pressure on keeping up appearances, I've started to notice that I seem to do better socially when I don't care.

    I've driven myself pretty deep into this situation and I need to get myself in check before I can move on to anything new. I need to learn to let the past rest and come to turns with it. My girlfriend has actually changed her behaviour towards me, apart from the doing things behind my back thing it's been better than before (yeah I know how good that sounds lol). I have to keep pressing on despite there's a part of me that wants to just lay down and die, even if everything is superficial right now I can use it to my advantage. She has a conscience after all and getting caught now and realizing how much hurt and destruction it caused has taken down her ego and pride a notch. Getting her to confront our hellish past seem's easier now.

    I don't care if anyone thinks I should just dump her right now and refuse to be a victim. I don't care if she's really acting half the time and just being nice to me. I't doesn't matter to me as I don't want to be with her in the long run, I'm just need a stable ground right now to land on as I'm learning to live.
     
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