Obessed.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Aimee_in_Wonderland, Sep 23, 2010.

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  1. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    Im so obessed with killing myself i'm dont see anything other than this.
    i ask for help i dont get it.
    i attempt it they discharge me so i can do it again..
    i cant help how i feel i cant change it not right now.
    its over and over again
    things arnt going to change
    they arnt going to care..
    they have seen the cuts all over my wrists and they dont ask, they just pretend not to notice them..

    i cant do this anymore..

    hold out one more day is all you keep saying..
    but i cant hold out anymore
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I sometimes wonder how loud a person has to yell to be heard...is there anyone you can be honest with to tell how much you hurt and need help? Maybe more direct communication might get more direct actions...just my 2 cents, big hugs, J
     
  3. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    no not really ive tried
    no-one is ever interested :(
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is sohard when noone is listening when they turn their heads and pretend not to see The professionals that chose to do nothing when they have all the power to help Shame an them all I understand i do it makes one go crazy trying to get the dam medical system to help to listen to ffff care YOu just have to scream louder you have to make them hear because the louder you scream the less chance they have of turning away. Keep a record of each time you have asked for help and were denied and go to your member of parliament and show them it you deserve help and you should get it go to someone higher then the dam hospital okay let it be know how much these dam professioanls don't care close their eyes and ears to the ones that are in pain.
    Keep screaming for help don't let them win okay youdeserve to have compassion and care and understanding that is their dam jobs to give it so make them do their jobs and stop ignoring you.
    Just want you to do i understand fully the neglect people get and it is not ffff right.
     
  5. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    im not worth it, i know im not
    ive forgotton what it feels like to be human
    just numbness
    ive given up
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Of course you are worth it you more than others I hope you go to emergency and stay there until they help you. I hope you call crisis a thousand times until the get you help. YOU deserve peace and healing you do please don't say you don't i know it hurts but you are worthy of every bit of help and peace and healing that can be given to you.
     
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    This really bothers me too. Doctors get paid huge salaries and are expected to do what is best for their patients to keep them safe. If they aren't listening to you or are ignoring your cries for help, they need to be held accountable. Have you tried going to a crisis centre Aimee? They are better equipped to help those going through crisis/depression than a regular hospital. Please don't give up hun. :hug:
     
  8. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    ive tried everything
    im done fighting it now
    ive pushed myself to be ignored
    i have no more fight left in me
     
  9. Borrowed time*

    Borrowed time* Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel.
    You push every one away but you still feel lonely.
     
  10. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    it took a lot of confidence for me to ask for help
    to be laughed at by staff..
    i dont have the willl power to build it again
    i cant ask anyone anymore
    even my own fiancee got fed up with me,
    and what does he tell me now
    "Just do it if thats what you want"
    my parents cant look me in the face anymore
    doctors just say and do nothing.. no matter what i do
    they dont care.. im not in their budget.

    no-one wants to help me.
    no-one wants me to get better
    they all just want me to go away..
     
  11. JTM

    JTM Member

    You are a beautiful human being and you deserve help. Never ever forget that or convince yourself otherwise.

    Please, please keep screaming. If you do, you will find the help you need.
     
  12. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    i just havent got the fight to keep screaming anymore
    with them i feel like im invisible
    maybe i am
     
  13. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    aimee, I hear what you are saying, i also feel your pain. I have suffered like this for years. You CAN get through this. I promise you. Your fiance is wrong to say these things to you. Where is the support!!!! Aimee, I will help you fight. draw strength from me, from others on this site. We all want you to be ok. are you on any meds?
     
  14. JTM

    JTM Member

    I'm speaking to you right now - you are not invisible. If you don't give up, you WILL be heard.
     
  15. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    i was on meds for around 2years they kept changing them and they kept making me really ill.. so im not on anything anymore.
    the meds didnt make it better it was worse but now it just feels the same
    i cant sleep barely eat
    im scared of people
     
  16. stig

    stig Well-Known Member

    I'm not on meds either. it does make it harder to stay on an even keel but for me it is worth it. i am able to smile and occasionally laugh. It is something i have to work at constantly but it is rewarding. I don't see my doctor or any counsellors. The only thing i do go to is a gents self help meeting. a room full of men who counsel each other. It is very similar to this. like minded people mutually supporting each other. You will get through this Aimee. Th efact that you are still here and using this forum. make the most of the people here. Please don't be just another statistic. I think you are worth fighting for, i'm sure that the rest of the forum users will think so too.
     
  17. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    i know the battle okay i know and i almost gave up hope for my daughter god it is like smashing your head against a wall to get help It is ridiculous. It is not just you aimee don't ever think it is because of you. IT is the dam health system the dam mental health no one cares to hear. I wish you would try the newer meds out there saphris is suppose to be excellent not here in Canada yet but when it comes i will get my daughter on it. Please ask your gp even if he can get you this med to try i hear it is changing people lifes around Go to a different hospital a different region where no one know you and try there. They will have new eyes to see with okay Tell you doc you need to have someone that will hear you and hellp you i now after months of screaming not yet but maybe get help for my daughter IT is very tiring i know but it will only take one to listen to help you aimee please try a different hospital okay. GEt you regular doctor to try anew med with you Tell you fiancee to help you okay get to a new hospital take care aimee know we are care here i care okay your worth every bit of the fight
     
  18. Punk

    Punk Well-Known Member

    You are worth it. Defo. Who have you asked help from?
     
  19. Huw

    Huw Well-Known Member

    Aimee in Wonderland,

    I was reading earlier that people don't particularly want to die, but they just want out of the circumstances in which they live and have been living for some time. That death seems like the only available alternative to life as they know it.

    In your opinion is this correct, vaguely familiar or just psycho babble?
     
  20. Matt93

    Matt93 Well-Known Member

    Amiee, I know your pain. But people care, for a start, we're all here telling you we care, because we do care. We're all like minded people here, all have suffered depression, some attempted suicides, some suicidal, some self harmers. And we have all gone through this pain. Believe me, people care. You have fight left in you, because you're still on this forum talking. Shout, scream, protest, do anything. And even if you've tried everything, try again. Go to private counsellors, no NHS shit or anything like that. NHS don't give a fuck, they get paid regardless. Private counsellors are paid by you, and so will listen, and will help because they know if they don't, they don't get paid plus, some care, a lot. We care A LOT. Stay strong Amiee. A person who feels like this, is a beautiful person in reality, a person who feels like this, really can make it through. Do you want to become part of a statistic? And believe me, living through the worst of times, no matter how long, is always worth it to find the happiness, even if lasts only a minute. Believe me, we care, people care. NEVER GIVE UP!
     
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