Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MoAnamCara, Sep 7, 2013.

  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I've run, all my life. From people, places... Circumstances. I ignorantly thought a few days in a different location would help. When will I ever learn??

    Thought tonight about going to buy some illegal drugs and just oding on them... Crazy bloody thoughts.

  2. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    :hug: Sometimes it does help to get away for a few days just to escape everything, but sometimes when you get away you realise your problems are still there and feel alone. I can totally relate there. But no to the OD'ing :hug: Whip those bad thoughts away! :whip:
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Yes... Kind of foolish of me to think otherwise but I got excited at the thought.

    Hurt by something today ... Doesn't tak much it seems. Stupid but that's me being me. Feel disposable again. Suppose I really am.

    And so, f you all. Thanks for making me feel like shit.

    I've thought about writing my story. That way it is there for whenever. Ppl have no idea of stuff. But suppose it's better for things to pass with me. Odd how I'm debating things like this in my mind when really it's not going to matter. There isn't anyone to read whatever.

    The longer and more I think about a future or the future, the more doubtful I am of being part of one. The last couple of years have shaken my world. Things will never be the same, ever. I am a very different person than I once was. Weaker in character and being. Things accumulate, I never dealt with things in a timely manner as I suppose I should have. But who and where would I have gone several years ago re the assault? Who wants or needs to know about that one? And I feel responsible yet, I put myself in that predicament.

    As I have done many times. I know or should know better. But no... Lets go the route of hurt and pain and things we dare not speak of. Ever.

    I'm rambling, and no response is expected or similar.

    Suppose I'm overwhelmed again at the hthought of the daily stuff. Feeling so useless. And none of this have I relayed to my t. As great as they may be, I'm still paying them for whatever. And I'm not sur of a reason to be that open.

    What to do? I've no bloody idea. Yay for me.