Obsessed with death.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by GR69, Sep 10, 2009.

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  1. GR69

    GR69 Member

    I used to think I was a mentally strong person. I mean I know I'm not crazy but still... I'm just so fascinated with death. I've had suicidal thoughts since I was 14, 18 now. A little before I turned 18 my thoughts of dying has changed into a weird obsession. Writing suicide notes often, thinking how I'll do it, where and why. What will people think and their reactions. It's sick. I guess this is how a lot of people ease into killing themselves, learning to accept it. So what do you think?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forums.

    I think that most people suffering from suicidal thoughts and depression write suicide notes often and think the same things you do,(I'm only going by what I read on this forum).
    An obsession? Maybe :dunno: Or just that depressed that it's all you can think about.
    Have you told anyone how you are feeling? :hug:
  3. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    i know what you mean. im constantly thinking how does it feel to die and what does each way feel like? but thats got nothing to do with my depression (i hope). i just find death fascinating.
  4. jeannate

    jeannate Active Member

    Welcome to SF. I am fairly new here myself as well.
    Death is an uncertainty and I think most people, whether they say so or not, think about death a lot. There might be some people who are extremely religious and think they know what will happen and where they will go when they die, but most people, even those in a religion, really are not sure what happens. So at one point in our lives death becomes a focus. I was in my teens when I was focused on darker things as well. It is a time when you begin to seriously consider your mortality I think. I always worried about burning in hell or not existing at all. The fact of the matter is I have no control over what happens after I die. Well some religious people will say you do. But you are who you are and you live your life the way you believe. You can change bad behavior of course and live a better life. But if there is some higher force that decides what happens to you, it is that higher force's set of rules that decides where you go. And since that force is not known for certain by us, we don't know what rules to follow for sure. That is why people look to religion. And if there is no force behind the afterlife, we just die. We have no control over that either. There is a lot of uncertainty there and sometimes I prefer the uncertainty to the pain I am feeling at the moment. I am not sure thinking about death is sick. But thinking about committing suicide all the time is a sickness. It is depression. I think about suicide a lot and I know I am sick. I am on medication for my depression and it is usually under good control, but I have my moments when I feel particularly bad and I am back to thinking about it again. I believe death and suicide consumes us because it is hard to find a way to treat our depression and it seems like the only way out. Medication can help, and it has helped me. I am not as bad as I was before. But I am still depressed and I still get those times when I just want to die. With depression I believe thinking about death and dying is common.
  5. Sleepwalk

    Sleepwalk Well-Known Member

    GR69, I've been where you are. Since I was 12 I've considered suicide, even making one attempt at 12. By the time I was 20 I had all but shut down emotionally and isolated all but a very few of my friends. I wish at the time I had spoken to someone, be it my doctor or a mental health care professional, which is what I would suggest you do. I've written the notes, imagined countless scenarios, even researched the best methods on the internet.

    Don't make the same mistake I did and waste what should be the best years of your life. You have a lot of time available to turn things around. You likely have a bigger support network than you think with friends and family, and there are always professional alternatives.

    Good luck. I'll keep a good thought for you.
  6. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    When you have nothing in life, and nobody give a fuck about you. I know what you mean. Death is the only friend you can rest your fucking shoulder on, the only one who responds back to you, the only one who sees you. The bitter jaded feeling, so addictive.
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