Last few months just seems Ive been obsessed at killing myself. I just keep thinking once I get a job and a house to be on my own thats when I'm gonna do it. I don't want to kill myself now because I don't want other people cleaning up my mess since Im living with someone. Funny thing is I'm pretty depressed to even try and get a job. I don't know I'm suppose to see a new therapist this monday, and maybe get on some new anti-depressants but I don't see them as doing anything more than the others did which was nothing. Really all I see in the future is probably just ending it, its not like I don't carry around the stuff I need to do it with me 24/7. I'm really just waiting for the right time, not sure what I'm really waiting for but I just don't see myself living in 2 years. I'm just at a lost of what to do, even when I was at that program I was so exicted to go to I was just saying to myself "this program is only extending my life for my family, not for me" Really I just don't see myself changing my perspective anytime soon, and not sure what to do.