1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Obsessed with ending my life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lm91, Dec 24, 2013.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. lm91

    lm91 New Member


    I'm 22 and for the past 3 weeks have been obsessed over suicide. I have had mental health problems from a young age, and believe I have been severely depressed for the past 2 months, but lately I have been really acting on it. If I get out of bed at all, it takes me 1-4 hours. I never sleep fully. I'm on zopiclone for insomnia but need to take 15mg (double my dosage) to sleep beyond 4hrs a night. I have crippling anxiety that my partner will leave me, currently leaving me physically and mentally unable to do the huge amount of university work I have due for mid January. I have things due Jan14th and I've done f*ck all. Procrastination & self loathing galore. I took up running in July and became obsessed with it, but my depression has taken hold and I rarely pull myself up to do it, which makes me hate myself even more (due to an eating disorder).

    I went running 2 days ago and actually thought, as I ran down an empty path, "you know what, if someone jumps up and sticks a knife in me, I would like it/wouldn't care." I need help and the last time I went to the dr (based in the UK) it took them 8 weeks to respond and they referred me to a relationship therapist (I gave them NO info regarding my relationship, I just told them that I was in one, and wanted to kill myself frequently).

    Logically, I KNOW my parents will me emotionally and financially better off without me. I am a liability. 22 years old, 3 weeks until my final uni exams/essays, and unable to summon the strength to try to f*cking pass those. Or even get out of bed in the morning. Everyone in my life is better off without me in it. I live in England thus am unable to obtain a gun, so I'm mostly too pathetic to commit suicide. I desperately want to though, every single day.
  2. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    Your family would NOT be better off without you. Losing one's child is the most devastating thing that can happen to a parent. Just ask anyone who has experienced the death of a child.

    Does your school have a counselor available? You may be able to postpone your academic work for health reasons.

    Running is a pretty high impact type of exercise and I don't think it's very good for you. Also, any kind of exercise that makes you sweat heavily, especially in cold weather, can make you feel drained.

    Maybe you could try walking/using a treadmill instead. During the winter I think it's good to just barely break a sweat during exercise.

    Eating fresh, cooked, whole foods served warm, and staying away from processed food and additives might help you.

    Seeing a doctor and getting your meds adjusted sounds like it would help.

    Hope that things can get better soon!
  3. emily83

    emily83 Well-Known Member

    i'm obsessed with it too. for me it's like i live and breav death, if that makes sense- i'll even watch a movie just because someone dies in it and get to wishing it was actually me in real life
  4. mpang123

    mpang123 Well-Known Member

    I've been obsessed with suicide all my adult life. I wonder why I still exist after all my attempts, but I guess I just haven't done it right yet. A therapist said that at my weakest moment, I need to believe that, "I'm stronger than I think I am". If I can get through this everyday, maybe all of us suffering can gain strength and believe in that quote too. Just a quote to keep up the hope that we can live through our struggles...
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.