Hi, I'm 22 and for the past 3 weeks have been obsessed over suicide. I have had mental health problems from a young age, and believe I have been severely depressed for the past 2 months, but lately I have been really acting on it. If I get out of bed at all, it takes me 1-4 hours. I never sleep fully. I'm on zopiclone for insomnia but need to take 15mg (double my dosage) to sleep beyond 4hrs a night. I have crippling anxiety that my partner will leave me, currently leaving me physically and mentally unable to do the huge amount of university work I have due for mid January. I have things due Jan14th and I've done f*ck all. Procrastination & self loathing galore. I took up running in July and became obsessed with it, but my depression has taken hold and I rarely pull myself up to do it, which makes me hate myself even more (due to an eating disorder). I went running 2 days ago and actually thought, as I ran down an empty path, "you know what, if someone jumps up and sticks a knife in me, I would like it/wouldn't care." I need help and the last time I went to the dr (based in the UK) it took them 8 weeks to respond and they referred me to a relationship therapist (I gave them NO info regarding my relationship, I just told them that I was in one, and wanted to kill myself frequently). Logically, I KNOW my parents will me emotionally and financially better off without me. I am a liability. 22 years old, 3 weeks until my final uni exams/essays, and unable to summon the strength to try to f*cking pass those. Or even get out of bed in the morning. Everyone in my life is better off without me in it. I live in England thus am unable to obtain a gun, so I'm mostly too pathetic to commit suicide. I desperately want to though, every single day.