Obsessed with physical appearance to the extreme

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by horsea, Oct 19, 2013.

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  1. horsea

    horsea New Member

    Hi guys, not sure where to post to this but I figured here would be about right. I'm going through right now what I go through just about every day (but I feel the need to write about it now).

    I'm obsessed with my appearance because I look extremely abnormal, particularly the size of my head, face and length of my face. I've been online to look at examples of people with long faces and mine is far more extreme than everyone elses. My forehead is huge and the my nose is very long, making my midface also very long. I don't know why I have to be cursed with having not just slightly strange features but deviant features to the extreme.

    The problem is that because I feel so depressed about this, I get distracted from everything else such as hobbies. I get no real joy out of anything. I constantly get ignored on dating sites and so my self worth is non-existent. I've also been badly bullied for my features in school. People just treat me poorly because of the way I look and I feel so nervous and anxious when I'm around people with smaller features.

    I'm now 24 (male) with a full-time job which I got with my uni degree so now should be the high time of my life, but because of how abnormal I look, I don't want to be around. I've been looking at surgery but it seems like there's nothing that can be done (I want to cut out a middle portion of my face and stitch the two parts together but that's not possible unlike trimming a jaw etc).

    Since this has been dragging out for years and I haven't been happy at all because of being a monster, I really REALLY want to commit suicide so that I can rid myself of this horrendous look. It's a waste perhaps but why not get this miserable life over with than let it carry on, I can't see things getting any better. Talking to people won't help since all that generates is noise.
     
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hey. Nice to meet you. i am glad you are here. Sorry things are so painful for you with your apperance. I know a little bit about that. Because i was humiliated because of my body when I was young. Even by my relatives. it was one of the things that caused me to feel I was not worth being seen. While its different from you describe. It did remind me of how I felt about that. Just wanted to hide away.

    This is a really good community. I hope you will post often, if you want. Get to meet other people who are having a hard time of it. And of course there are many here who face all kinds of challenges.
     
  3. Maedchen

    Maedchen Well-Known Member

    Dear horsea,

    actually today I shouldn't be here, because I planned to end my life this weekend. But again the circumstances at the location where I wanted to do it didn't allow it. Hence I went to this forum and read your first post. And I thank God that I was able to read it, because there is something that I want to tell you.

    Please listen, dear horsea, the words you wrote are so sad, and yet they touch my heart in an unknown way.
    I feel your pain that is caused by rejection. And I understand your concern. From all my heart I want to tell you that I am sorry for the way you feel.
    But there is something else I want you to please consider. As I believe that God created us with love, I am very much convinced that there is a reason for everything, even if we don't understand it. So if your outer appearance is the cause of so much sorrow for you, maybe it is an opportunity for you to show others that kindness and love ( the inner appearance of yourself) is the most important thing. As I can read from the choice of your words, I firmly believe that you are a very kind and loving person. I wished I could meet you, because I am honestly lacking such company.

    I am not sure how long I will still be here, but for that time I would much like you to pretend being my friend. You don't know me of course ( maybe you'll have a look to my welcome-thread as background information). But all I am asking for is just a little company. You know, it would make me happy a bit. Even if you feel that you would not fit to me from your appearance. But maybe that is just a prejudice ?

    Please think about it.
    Love, Maedchen
     
  4. the black raven

    the black raven Well-Known Member

    I really don't know what to say here :(
    It's not fair people judge you because of your outter appearance.... It's just not fair.... I didn't know what to reply, it just sad.....
    You deserve better. Those people who said all of those things to you are jerks, they don't deserve love. One thing I know, not every girl in the world care about your appearance. Hard to believe, maybe, but it's the truth. I hope you will find your someone that really care for you
    *hugs*

    and Maedchen, I don't want you to give up too. I can be your friend, and I don't want to lose my friend ok?
    Please fight, it's sad to lose someone you know, even if it is online. It's not something people can forget easily...
    Please don't give up just yet. The world needs more people like you. You are a special and caring person.
    *hugs*
     
  5. munkydo

    munkydo New Member

    Hi Horsea...I just wanted to say you and I have something in common... obsessing over our face shapes and feeling cursed. I have larger facial features (sometimes in pictures I think I look "manly") and I too will trawl the internet looking for examples of "beautiful" face shapes, comparing them with mine, feeling depressed about aging and things just getting worse... despite being told by many people that I'm beautiful I really can't believe it... it's such a life-suck.. look, the one thing that you have to realize, is that first of all us people with longer faces are just not usually photogenic (because the camera tends to flatten features) but we usually look much better in real life... so don't compare photos of yourself. Related to that, a face at rest is different than one with life in it. There have been many people that I've met and originally thought were not very attractive. But when you get to know them they begin to look much more attractive.

    Sometimes I just have to try to avoid the mirror at all costs... or just use a little mirror that doesn't show my whole face in order to do my makeup... this way I can start moving on from it.

    I think the internet has made people even more superficial. You go to web forums where guys are dissecting actresses' looks. Even Gisele (the supermodel) will be called a "dog" by these guys. I'm sure it works the same way for men.

    Another thing that sometimes helps me snap out of those negative thoughts is considering how life is like for burn victims, people who have had half their faces blown off, etc...
     
  6. munkydo

    munkydo New Member

    I also wanted to add regarding you being bullied in school because of your looks... I was too but you have to realize that kids, if they just want to bully you, they WILL find something to bully you about. Whether it's bigger ears, bigger nose, bigger chin... they can be such jerks. But kids tend to grow out of that. Also I am willing to bet that you've grown into your looks to at least some extent from when you were so young... this happens especially to guys.
     
  7. JustKindaThere

    JustKindaThere Well-Known Member

    I also have the same issues with myself. I've always hated the shape of my face and got bullied about it in school. I'm so self-conscious about it I have to cover it up with my hair every day (thank god I have long hair to hide under).

    Anyway, I don't know if this video will help you, but I found it to be very inspiring.
    http://youtube.com/watch?v=_d9wrDwztw0
     
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