So, I've been fantasizing my death a lot. Borderline obsession. I enjoy watching about it- it gives me relief. I'm constantly thinking about it. Today, I was at the beach,& I saw a train a little bit away. I just stopped,& starting thinking about just jumping in front,& ending my life. Suddenly, I was happy,& had huge sense of relief. I had dream about suicide,& then I literally obsessesed with the dream,& fantasized it. The method seemed so peaceful. It was awesome. You need to do one thing,& you slowly,' without much pain, & drift away to sleep,& never awake again. I can't stop thinking about it. It's consuming, but totally comforting. It can calm me down. I imagine my death. What it'd like. What people would do. How'd they feel. I've researching too. Comparing methods. Seeing what's most lethal. Seeing if I have this items.