Does anyone else feel like they have an obsession with comitting suicide? I have it so carefully planned out, and a lot of days, it is all I can think about. I want to make it look like an accident, so my son does not have to deal with what I've done. I've spent so much time thinking about this, I'm such a stuipd perfectionist, and even in my own death, I can't just go with the impulse. No, even this has to be planned, well, to death. I think a good way to do it would be to freeze to death. That could look like an accident. But I'd have to wait too long for the weather to get colder. I want to make sure I succeed, so I could mix alcohol, pills, and then wade into a cold river, but there's no way to make it look like an accident. God, this is the only time I feel anything, or have an interest anymore, is when I am thinking about "how to do it". I don't want to be like this, but I can't stop. I wish it was over already. I have to admit I'm not sure what death will be like, but it can't be as bad as where I'm at now. I feel so trapped, and it is the only way I feel I can get free. I don't know why I'm rambling. I don't know why I do anything anymore.