Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Krem, Mar 6, 2010.

  1. Krem

    Krem Well-Known Member

    This'll be a rant. Don't expect to keep up.

    I know a girl, but I don't want to fuck her. I wish to keep her safe from things, because I know things are bad. I can't tell her, of course, because I always push her away, which is bad, because then I can't keep an eye on her, even though all it does is harm to me and her, and I can't actually do anything, because she wouldn't listen, and if she did, she'd fear me, fear I might do her harm, but I don't wish to do her harm, even if she sometimes vexes me and I just wish her to be silent and obey, because it's for her own good. She keeps things from me, things that I know are bad for her, or things that I don't know, and must thus think they are, because boys only want one thing, they don't care about her, and I must keep her from them, they might do bad things, they might get her drunk and have their way with her, and she'd not know to say know, because she's just a teen, she's just a person, she's just a she, she doesn't have the will or knowledge to know, but by the time she knows it'll be to late, the damage will be done, unless I could guide her but I can't. She's precious to me, the only thing that has ever made me happy, even if it was only once, I can hope it happens again, even though I know it once, only children can have such free fun, such innocence, where nobody thinks of hidden motives, when nobody has hidden motives, when nobody thinks of doing anything further than have fun and enjoy each other's presence, when it doesn't matter what we do, it's all done in innocence, there is no harm, there are no regrets, it's all good, it was always good, but not anymore, now even suggesting it would be seen as a weird joke, or make me seem weird, and maybe I am weird, but I'm not bad weird, I just know better. But she could also be lying, and that'd be good, but also bad, for I don't want her to lie, but it'd mean she'd not done anything, and it'd mean she thinks I'd only like her if she was more interesting, but even as I want to believe that I know better, I have seen her chatting, I have seen her texting, but I have seen other things, are they something she made, is she crying for help, I can't tell, she won't show me, and if I show real emotion she'd retread further and I can't afford that, I'm painting a guise, and it's working, slowly but surely, and it must work, and even if it completely tosses her away, that's good too, if I can be rid of her I win.