I can't stop thinking about killing myself. I don't see the point of any of this anymore. I've hardly gotten out of bed in weeks. I have no job, no friends, my family hardly speaks to me, don't even have a pet anymore. No one will miss me when I'm gone. Probably the only people who will feel bad at all are my therapist and my support worker because they've been caring for me for 11 years. It'll be a bad day at work for them. Any time I think of doing anything to change things, I wonder what the point is in any of it anyway. It's all so pointless. Life is pointless. I'm 47 years old and I have nothing to live for. I've never married, never had kids. It's been a nonexistence and will continue to be endless years of nonexistence. I'll just keep getting older and older and more and more alone, if that's even possible, I don't know. I guess it is since my mom is dying and my dad is very old. I'm not sure I can even face watching my mom die a most horrible death from brain cancer. I can't face it. Wish I could just take a pill that would peacefully put me to sleep forever.....I have no will to go on. It's like breathing has become an effort. I'm so tired I can barely breathe anymore. Please just let me die in my sleep tonight. Except I can't even do that. I don't sleep either. That's why I'm here in the middle of the night posting this pointless message about my pointless existence.